• Fiction,  Humor

    Two Nasty Habits Everyone Has That Sabotage All Your Dates

    There are so many singles in the dating world. Not only are there numerous singles, but there are also singles who have been single for years. Years and years. Many years. So. Many. Years. These aren’t single people who choose to be single, or who shy away from social situations and dating. These are people who are actually trying to meet someone. They’ve been meeting people in person, going to bars, getting set up by friends, meeting people online and getting dates and still after years of trying, they are still single. You may even be one of these people. And for a long time, I was too. Until I…

  • Fiction,  Humor

    This Date-ish Thing

    Dear Diary, So there’s this new guy …. We met on Match.com and he seemed smart and engaging enough to keep my attention. I met him for my typical “pre-date-date” which is either a coffee or a drink at an early time.  This is when I give him the in person equivalent of a swipe right or left.  I am not too concerned with much more than the basics at this point.  Does he look like his pictures? Can he speak? Do I find him attractive in person? Would I be able to spend 2-3 hours with him on a real date an enjoy myself? Would I bang?  We had a…

  • Fiction,  Humor

    Stop! You’re Making Me Blush!

    Dear Diary, There are so many challenges in dating when you have kids.  When do you introduce them to your new boyfriend? Is your new suitor worth the cost of a babysitter?  What if you get stood up and you’ve paid the babysitter $40?  What if your kids catch you kissing him by the car? What if? What if? A date is not just a date-it’s an event with the potential for all these new questions and complications.  While some of the carefree spirit is lost, there is also the fun of stealing kisses or sneaking a smack on the ass when no one will catch you.  The delicious torture…

  • Dating Advice,  Essay,  Humor

    The Art and Science of the Leave Behind

    In marketing, a leave-behind is a piece of printed material that is left after a sales call, presentation or meeting.  It generally has contact information, company or service information, and is branded to reflect the company or agent. The purpose of the leave-behind in marketing is three-fold: To give the potential customer something to reinforce the sales message To ensure the customer knows how to contact you, and To raise their awareness through repeat impressions (called frequency) Simply put, if you leave something behind, it will be seen repeatedly, even casually, that’s as good as an advertising message. Unless, of course, you throw it away. In dating, a leave-behind is…

  • Fiction,  Humor

    Love, or Something Like That

    You know those girls who get dumped then go out with their friends and post YOLO and memes about no fucks given? I'm not that girl. I'm not chill. I don't just roll with it.

  • Fiction,  Humor

    The End of Badass

    Dear Diary, I said something was Badass and my daughter rolled her eyes. “What?” I said. “That’s so old news.” she said.  She’s ten. She’s not even ALLOWED to say half of that word. How the hell is “badass” old news? And who is she to be the queen of cool trendy things?  Ever since she started her Lifestyle blog, suddenly she knows things. I kept mumbling to myself as I was shuffling around the house moving piles of crap from one spot to another. I mean “badass” can’t expire!? Right? There’s never before been a word like “badass!” It’s Badass! I shuffled more. Because kids these days! The image…

  • Fiction,  Humor

    Good Girl; Bad Dog

    So you know in the beginning of a relationship when you are trying really hard to be cool and cute and clever and to somehow give the impression you have your shit together?

  • Fiction,  Humor

    The Real Reason I’m Single

    Dear Diary, I can’t stand that question, “Why are you single?” Why are we so often asked tedious, intrusive questions, especially around the holidays? Why do our family members feel entitled to know intimate details of our lives? Just because they’ve known us since we were in diapers doesn’t mean they are entitled to know what goes on when we are in our skivvies. They act as if our single lives still hold an innocent and charming appeal. They assume asking about a grown woman’s private life will result in an adorable anecdote or two, and then an encouraging pinch on the cheek to send me on my way for…

  • Essay,  Humor

    My Wet Beaver

    Pro Tip for the ladies who are dating and getting asked to send sexy naked pictures but don’t want to. There’s nothing wrong with keeping your privates private! He’s going to ask you for pictures. He will ask for pictures of your boobs, your ass, your feet — basically anything you can get a reach around to capture –he’s going to want a picture. I don’t care how old he is, how successful he is, how sophisticated he is, if his blood runs red, and he’s been dating for any span of time longer than 15 minutes, he’s going to ask. Do you know why? Because 90% of the time,…

  • Dating Advice,  Essay,  Humor

    The Spider Tank

    Ladies, You need to find out how the man you are dating handles stress. The sooner the better. You don’t want to get emotionally attached and then find out he has a nasty temper. You also want to make sure that if things get serious, he’s going to be able to handle all the squirmy stuff you don’t want to deal with. By the second or third date, I will invite my date into my house and ask him to sit and wait for me in the living room while I finish getting ready. I keep this tank in the living room. (pictured). Invariably, my date will search the tank,…