• Essay,  Journal,  On Writing

    It Sounded Like a Great Idea at the Time

    I’m editing my first book.  I wrote the book as well but I’m in the process of editing it and it’s turning out to be far more work than I expected.  Over the past 4 years, I wrote a series of dating advice articles. Most posts were for women, but some were directed at men.  The articles had more to do with understanding our own and other’s desires and motivations and how to read people than to do with specifics about dating.  Most people know how to plan a date, dress nice, and interact with someone of the opposite sex. What people don’t know anymore is how to interpret someone’s behavior, words…

  • Essay,  Journal

    What If I Never Break The Crystal?

    I was trying to get rid of stuff. STUFF. The Stuff that creeps into the house and takes hold in drawers and corners and on countertops. It hangs in closets and is tossed up on shelves out of reach but it’s not out — OUT — like it should be. It is just out of the way, out of reach, but it is still there. Still everywhere. Clutter. I have a lot of stuff. I’ve lived in my house for twelve years. I’ve raised kids from infants to preteens and have accumulated the stuff of each age: clothes in various sizes and seasons; toys they won’t choke on, toys they…

  • Attraction,  Essay

    Desire is Life

    Desire gives our lives meaning and purpose. Wanting something, or someone, gives our life the spark and push we need to work through the hard parts, wake up in the morning, get excited. Desire is the ignition for everything we care about. We may think having all our needs and desires met at the snap of our fingers would make us happy and fulfilled but the truth is it would make you bored and miserable. We would have to find something new to strive for. We would desire a new desire. Too often we think that achieving our goal is what gives us satisfaction. In fact we take the most…

  • Book Reviews,  Essay,  Feminism

    Three Reasons You Need to Listen to the Audible Version of Free Women, Free Men by Camille Paglia

      I’ve been a fan of Camille Paglia since the summer of 1997 when I sat in the un-air conditioned spare bedroom of my grandmother’s house reading Sexual Personae and wondering at her bold, smart and vibrant tone. The ideas she wrote about were new to me and while I enjoyed the book in my early twenties I can’t say Paglia’s subject matter resonated with me or that I fully understood her concepts until the last few years. I am also a fan of listening to books primarily due to being in a constant time crunch. I can listen in the car or while cleaning, or even through earphones while…

  • Creativity,  Essay,  Journal

    The Art of Finishing Things, A Meditation on Writing and the Paintings of Lia Porto

    There is no art in things left unfinished. There is no value in the incomplete. There is nothing meaningful in the unresolved. There are many things in the unfinished that can be admired: hope, inspiration, creativity, passion, indifference and ideas but not art. Art happens at the finish line. Art is where inspiration meets discipline, where passion meets fortitude, where creativity meets work. Art is when the work is complete and ready for an audience. It is when the artist reaches satisfaction, a place that is beyond exhaustion and knows there is no more work to be done. “I am finished.” I have no doubt there are many amazing words…

  • Essay,  Journal,  On Writing

    Why I’m Not a Dating Advice Writer

    I’m not a dating advice writer. I write about dating because it is the place where all our social problems intersect with all our personal problems. Where our heart battles our mind. Where our desires compete with our needs. It is where we try to be our best, end up showing our worst and then find a way to accept ourselves, the world and each other AS IS. Other than war, no struggle is as dangerous as passion. Other than divorce, no negotiation is more precarious than seduction. Other than giving birth, no experience will make you feel more alive than falling in love. Other than death, nothing rips us…

  • Essay,  Pop Culture

    The Problem with Online Trolls

    If you reach any level of success and have an online presence you are going to have to deal with trolls. Congratulations! On one hand, this is great news! This means your message is getting heard. It also means that your message is clear enough that it has inspired opposition. If the greatest challenge for any writer is to get his or her voice heard through the cacophony online, then the day you start getting trolled because of your writing is the day you know you have broken through the noise. Well done! Are Trolls Dangerous? The problem with online trolls is not that they are dangerous in a physical…

  • Essay,  Feminism,  Pop Culture

    Questioning Feminism — The Myth of the Oppressive Patriarchy

    In trying to learn more about feminism I began re-reading the most prominent feminist writers that I had read in my youth. I wanted to understand how my perception of these works had changed now that my attitude toward feminism has changed. At one time, I believed feminism was a cause for improving the lives of women, fighting for equal rights between men and women. Today my impression of feminism is more along the lines of seeing it as an ideology that is dead set on ruining the lives of men while celebrating only the women who support this ideology. Women who disagree with the competitive nature between feminism and…

  • Essay,  Journal,  Mindset,  On Writing

    My Advice Isn’t Special Because You Aren’t Special

    I’ve been writing advice on dating, personal mindset, self-esteem and empowerment for a few years. My advice columns are full of what to me is obvious truths, common sense perspective and a mix of tough and gentle love depending on not much more than what kind of mood I’m in when I’m writing it. My Target Reader is a Fool for Love Most of my advice posts are targeted toward a specific reader who is a very hard-headed fool for love who repeatedly makes bad decisions. She is stubborn and leads with her heart or her nether regions but never — evidence can show time and again — with her brain. This gets her into…

  • Essay,  Women

    Your Feminine Voice

    There are many ways men and women are different. The voice is an obvious example. Men have deep low voices and women have higher, more airy voices. But our voices are actually different in several other, more subtle ways and once you are aware of them, you can learn to use your voice to tap into your femininity, reach his masculine needs and also gut check yourself on some of your worst habits. Women and men use their voices differently. Men basically have two voices: inside voice and outside voice. You could also add their ridiculous falsetto voice they use when roasting each other, but for the most part, they…