Attraction,  Essay,  Men,  Mindset

The Power of Erotic Imagination and the Conditioning Effects of Porn

Many articles will debate the moral issues related to porn. Morality is personal and I don’t want to impose my morality on you any more than I want you to impose yours on me. This article is about how porn interferes with your personal power, infringes on your self-mastery and ultimately has the power to derail your life by conditioning you to want something you don’t really want and dulling your desires through easy satisfaction. 

Self-Mastery is True Power

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.” Lau Tzu

We know that these things are important and that achieving them is a goal for anyone who wants to do great things and reach goals in their lives. We also know that it is very hard to achieve.  On the path to intelligence, wisdom, strength and power, we often give up in the face of a challenge or give in to a more powerful force believing we are not ready or not worthy.  We become complacent, we rationalize, we indulge in our comforts. We know the importance of self-mastery but when faced with choices that would put us in position to harness that power, many of us refuse it. We are either afraid of the responsibility of it, do not recognize the importance of it or are too drawn to the comforts of being powerless to hang on to it. Whatever the reason, truly masterful individuals are rare.

There are three easy ways to lose our personal power and sacrifice our self-mastery.

  • By Force
  • By Deception
  • By Choice

You lose your power by Force when someone takes our power away against our will through violence or intimidation.

You lose our power by Deception when the truth is hidden from us; when we are misled by misinformation, false information or even given a mix of true and false information that causes confusion. The intent of deception is to lead or persuade us into making the wrong decision by making us think it is the right decision.

Sometimes, we know the truth, but we give up our power by Choice. Either we don’t care enough to hang on to our power, we don’t want the power because we don’t want the associated responsibility or we do not believe we deserve the power.

Porn takes our power both through deception but we also give up our power to porn by choice. Porn co-opts a man’s power, distracts him from his true desires, confuses him about his truth, makes him incongruent in his presentation, rewards a passive sexual expression.

An authentic, sexually dominant, masculine man who is congruent in his beliefs and actions will want to avoid porn. In fact, the more powerful he becomes, the more he will lose interest in porn. There are five reasons for this:

  • Masturbating to pornography is a submissive sexual expression.
  • Masturbating to pornography creates sexual confusion
  • Masturbating to pornography can affect you physically
  • Masturbating to pornography distracts you from your goals
  • Masturbating to pornography is mentally passive.

 

Masturbating to pornography is a submissive sexual expression

When you are masturbating to porn you are submitting to the influence of porn. For men who have a dominant sexuality you are putting yourself in a submissive sexual expression when you watch the sexual urges of others play out on the screen. You are an observer only. You do not impact the action in any way. This is passive. Further, your arousal responds to their action. The escalation of the sexual acts on screen happen without your direction so you are not the dominant force sexually, you are submissive. The fantasy is happening with or without you but you have submitted yourself to it.

Porn sex is something that happens to you. Arousal happens to you. Yes, you click on the link and touch yourself but the erotic is pushed on you. You have no input. You are not in charge. You are passive and submitting to someone else’s sexual agenda.

Masturbating to Pornography Creates Sexual Confusion

When the man is not in control of the sexual action, he can’t ensure that the visual and mental stimulation is exactly the kind that arouses him.

Is the kind of sex you are watching on porn the kind of sex you want to have in your real life? Is the woman in the video the kind of woman you want to desire in your real life? Porn sex is not what we want. Porn is simply a cheap substitution for what we want. But if we use porn to satisfy our desires, if your desires are fulfilled what will drive you to seek out more?

Is porn sex what you want or is porn sex training you to want what it is pushing because you get a sexual reward from masturbating to it?

Do you really want something else influencing you at such a core level as porn is that it affects what you desire?

Our news tells us what to worry about. Our schools tell us what to think about. Our jobs tell us what to do. Do you really want porn telling you what to desire?

Our brains are easily wired by our reward system and porn has the most direct access to our brains and sexual reward circuitry, what are we “learning” to enjoy based on the influence of porn that we may have never desired otherwise? How many sexual “fads” (shaved genitals, anal sex, threesomes, BDSM) have taken on mass appeal that without the influence of porn the majority of people would have had perfectly fantastic sex lives?  Are our minds being opened? or are our minds being changed by what we watch?

We resist the indoctrination of education. We question the media and the narrative. We focus on authenticity and independent thought, and yet, when it comes to sexual fulfillment, we open pornhub and allow ourselves to be influenced by the sexual desires of another and reward ourselves for it.

What a shame it would be to be disconnected from our true desires — whether that is in pursuing the life and career we want or pursuing the sexual expression and relationship we want.

Masturbating to Pornography Can Affect You Physically

Not only does porn rewire your brain, it affects your genitals so that you need stronger stimulation. Men who masturbate to porn frequently have self-reported trouble with the “death grip.” They use much firmer physical touch on themselves. I suspect this is because porn does not fulfill the natural desires for arousal as well as a sexual interaction with another person.

When we have sex, we are aroused by sensual stimulation (sounds, smells, sights), emotional connection and physical stimulation. In contrast, porn has zero emotional connection, limited sensual stimulus (visual and aural only) and self-performed physical stimulation. To compensate for the senses that are missing, the physical stimulation is increased but additionally, so is the visual stimulation.

The range, diversity, and intensity of the visual stimulus in porn is much more extreme than most would find in real life. Bondage, orgies, taboo scenarios, unconventional body types that are so prevalent in porn may not have any place in the viewer’s daily sex life. And without porn influencing what sexy means to us, would these taboo sex acts be as popular as they are?

Masturbating to pornography distracts you from your goals

Any easy outcome is a distraction from the bigger goals we have. If we satisfy ourselves with the cheap, easy resources what impetus do we have to pursue the more valuable ones that require more work? If you are satisfying your appetite with processed junk food why would you bother with tending a garden? Because the junk will catch up with you. The short-term benefit doesn’t outweigh the long-term costs. But you must be aware of the long-term costs and have discipline to resist the comforts.

The more time we spend satisfying ourselves with the easy results the less time we are spending pursuing or preparing ourselves for the more rewarding results.

Pornography has become nearly accepted as a part of many people’s sex lives. Whether they watch alone or with their partners, whatever dangers people previously associated with porn (sex addiction, violence against women, etc.) have either been proven wrong or drowned out of the conversation. It appears that most people either accept porn as part of a “normal” sex life or at least no longer see it as a negative force but simply someone’s personal preferences.

Masturbating to Porn is Mentally Passive

Masturbating to porn is mentally lazy. If we are not having sex with a partner who adds to the interaction, challenges and responds, gives and receives then at the very least we should engage our imaginations.

Porn is the lowest quality sexual influence and lowest quality sexual interaction available. The highest, most stimulating is to have an intimate partner. If you don’t have a partner, the next best sexual outlet is your own imagination.

The imagination is not merely an outlet, the imagination is also an input.

When we have sex with another person, there are so many other stimuli contributing to the moment, arousal and desire, that more often than not we don’t need more than two naked bodies eager to explore.

Sex is about more than just bodies. It is about the mind as well. The imagination is erotic. An aroused imagination stimulates you, mind and body. Porn arouses the body but not the mind, not the imagination. Except for a little elbow, porn does all the work for you.

Porn is a Powerful Influence

Our sexuality is very personal. Part of being a Masterful Lover is knowing who you are and what you want and how to get it. Do you know what your sexual fantasies are? Have you explored and defined them for yourself or have they been influenced by society? The same society telling you what kinds of bodies, features or sex acts will be most pleasing to you is the same society that teaches you to be supplicating and meek to attract the favor of women.

There are two motivating forces in life: Fear and Desire. If our desires are easily satisfied with minimal work and effort, what will motivate us to go further?   Porn is a cheap and inadequate substitution for what we want. Porn satisfies but does not fulfill.

Not only is porn limiting potential in intimate relationships, porn is creating a generation who are so afraid of failure they are choosing mechanical, imaginary sex lives over human interaction.

Desire is a tool that you can use to shape your life. Are you a slave to passion or is passion a tool you wield to shape your life?

What a shame it would be to be disconnected from our true desires — whether that is in pursuing the life and career we want or pursuing the sexual expression and relationship we want.

The Power of Dominance, Truth and Imagination

Consider this. While watching porn is passive, using your imagination is active. Using your imagination to create, in the form of erotic writing, poetry and creating romance in your life is both active and dominant. Further, when you are truly inspired, you are tapped into your authentic sexuality and desires. Arousal, in its most authentic form is mental, emotional and physical.

Porn is powerful but imagination is MORE powerful. Imagination can help you become who you want to be. Imagination helps you identify your goals and find ways to achieve them. Imagination strengthens your mental sexuality while keeping you congruent in your beliefs. Imagination isn’t a distraction it is the path that guides you to fulfill your desires. Use imagination to help you internalize the components of David’s teachings to align your beliefs, actions and words. Use imagination to master yourself and your relationships.

Take full ownership of the life you are living and the choices you are making by harnessing your personal power.

One Comment

  • Nikolai Vladivostok

    I’ve been without pornography for a year due to lack of internet. I can’t detect any change in my mood or behaviour.
    On the other hand, as I’m now out of the country I’ve been going nuts and I’ve slept with five women this week. This has weakened me because I am addicted to courting new ones online and I am not getting any work done. I forced myself to take a break.
    ‘Moderation in all things’, as the Greeks said.

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