Essay,  Journal,  Mindset,  On Writing

My Advice Isn’t Special Because You Aren’t Special

I’ve been writing advice on dating, personal mindset, self-esteem and empowerment for a few years. My advice columns are full of what to me is obvious truths, common sense perspective and a mix of tough and gentle love depending on not much more than what kind of mood I’m in when I’m writing it.

My Target Reader is a Fool for Love

Most of my advice posts are targeted toward a specific reader who is a very hard-headed fool for love who repeatedly makes bad decisions. She is stubborn and leads with her heart or her nether regions but never — evidence can show time and again — with her brain. This gets her into a lot of trouble. This gets her into a lot of anguish. In an attempt to save her from future pain and suffering, I try to give her the best advice I can think of, with solid examples and raw, honest truth that might resonate deep down within her and then rise up to advise her before her next spectacular mistake. This idiot reader is me. I write what I need to hear and then I share the advice with you. Because I have it on good authority you might be an idiot, too.

I’m Not That Special and Neither Are You

The reason I share my advice is because I’m really not that special of a person. I’m a pretty typical woman going through pretty typical things. The details may vary and I may have had some experiences others may not have had. Additionally, I haven’t experienced things that someone else may have. But for the most part, I’m just a regular girl. So if what I’ve learned along the way helps me, then it’s bound to help someone else too, because you probably aren’t that special either. Yes, we are all different, with different backgrounds and interests and quirks and blah blah blah special snowflake blah, but at the same time we all tend to make similar — if not the same — mistakes in relationships, business, friendships, etc. Maybe

If my advice can help one, it can help many. I don’t expect it to help all. We are all at a different spot on our journeys, looking for different things. But there are some of us who are in the same spot, looking for the same things. And for you, I share what I’ve learned to give you a leg up, a sneak peek, an inside scoop in the hopes you are a little less stubborn and a lot more wise than I was when I was in your shoes.

My Advice Isn’t For Everyone

Not everyone is going to need or appreciate my advice. That’s fine with me. I’m glad there are people out there who have everything all figured out. Good for you. There may not even be many who need or appreciate it, but there is certainly going to be more than just me. Why? I’m not so special. And neither are you. Our lives aren’t so unique that we don’t share some similar struggles and experiences. You aren’t so special and unique you can’t learn from my advice. And my advice isn’t so special and unique that it can’t inform a general audience of strangers.

I Don’t Care if My Advice Doesn’t Change You

I don’t imagine what I write will resonate with everyone who reads it and change their lives. In fact, I don’t think anyone’s advice really changes anyone. No matter how good it is, people only change when they are ready and willing. They could read the best advice on the planet but if they aren’t ready for change, they won’t do anything.

Advice doesn’t change people; people in the midst of changing themselves seek out advice.

I see writers who get upset when their readers ask the same questions over and over. Or when they behave in ways that go against the advice they were given. The biggest mistake you can make in offering advice is to get invested in whether or not the person acts on it.

People will change when they are ready to change. If you get caught up in their progression you will end up arguing with them, worrying about them, checking in on them and pestering. You will get frustrated that they are not improving at the rate you would expect. You will compare them to others and to yourself and you will create tension and resentment. You will waste a ton of emotional and mental energy when you ride their roller-coaster. You have your own roller coaster to ride. Riding everyone’s roller-coaster will definitely make you sick.

This may sound heartless that I don’t care what you do with the advice, I don’t care if you suffer more or heal, I don’t care if you change your life for the better or worse. But it’s really not heartless at all. Because I am not invested in who you become, I am fully accepting of who you are, right now. I will take you AS IS, and we will go from here.


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