Your personality, your accomplishments, your beautiful apartment and your fancy degree really don’t matter much if you’re hot.
Okay so if you are a giant bitch, attention whore or a whiny, entitled brat he might care–a little. But even then, desire is a powerful thing and he might be able–or imagine he is able– to put all that crap out of his mind long enough to get a chance to fuck you.
I mean, we can all tolerate some bad behavior in small doses, right? And if you are really hot, he will just weigh the advantages and disadvantages of putting up with your shit for a few hours so he can bone you. In fact, if you have a smart mouth and act like a diva, he might find it even more appealing to rail you from behind and make you melt into an orgasmic puddle of sex bliss until you beg for more like the cute little sex kitten you are deep down.
Your Love is Skin Deep, or Six Inches (Give or Take)
So, really, let’s get over this whole charade that he likes you for who you are when you have just met and been talking a short while and are having sex already. He doesn’t care who you are, in fact, he probably has absolutely no idea who you really are. He has barely scratched the surface on you and that’s for good reason–he doesn’t want to scratch the sheen on that pretty little face and tight body. You are a beauty to behold. No chance he wants to ruin the moment by getting to know you have opposing opinions on damn near everything.
If you’ve been with him a long time, yes. I will give you that. The more time you spend together, it is unavoidable, for better or worse you will get to know each other. And chances are he sees and appreciates who you are. Or he sees you and resents you but he’s stuck with you. I can’t tell from here.
The Stupid Games We Play
One thing women do when we are in the early stages of dating when we are trying to reel a man in is play stupid. Let’s just assume, for sake of argument that we are playing stupid instead of being stupid. This is up for debate and you can debate it in the comments. I’m not going to go there.
For example when a cute woman posts a picture of her squished up but still adorable face with perfect make up and the comment, “omg I’m so ugly” so she can get comment after comment of affirmation and flattery; women will play this same game with behavior.
“OMG I’m such a mess,” she will say as she invites him into her spotless house.
“OMG I hope you don’t hate me, I’m a huge fan of Taylor Swift!” she will say as she sings along with the song, shimmying her shoulders and giving him bedroom eyes.
“OMG you are never going to talk to me again, I spilled a dab of salad dressing on my blouse! I’m such a klutz!” she proclaims as she pulls her shirt tight against his breasts and gives him fair reason to stare.
And of course the man is supposed to fawn over her and pump her up. This is fishing for compliments at the most basic level and even forty-year old women will do this. So I hear.
Here’s how I know he doesn’t care about what you have to say, who you are and what you do in the early stages of dating: If he did, all of these comments would be wildly insulting to him. You think a grown man can’t tell the difference between a clean and messy house? You think he’s so shallow he will dislike you because of musical taste? You think he’s so judgmental he will stop talking to you because you spilled something?
Bitch, if he cares about you and loves you, he will have your back when you drive your car into the garage door, when you disagree over how to care for elderly parents, when you are birthing blood, baby and placenta all over a hospital floor. How dare you insult his dignity and the love he has to offer with your stupid insinuations that he is the kind of man who will get bent out of shape over a Taylor Swift song.
He is not the kind of man to quit so soon but he is also not the kind of man to take your stupid games seriously because he really just likes the way you shimmy and hopes you spill so much you need to take your clothes off and what did you say again? He wasn’t listening but he sure does like your smile.
He can see through your fishing attempts and he doesn’t care. He knows that your true personality and character will only be revealed over time. He will witness it through your ongoing behavior, how your actions line up with your words, shared time and experiences. It will not be told to him by your stories as you bear false witness to yourself. You are the PR wing of your identity, not the crystal ball.
A man doesn’t know who you are in the beginning stages of dating. And unlike you, he is aware of this fact. You’d be better off if you realize you don’t know him either. Slow it down! Stop spending so much time trying to convince him he should like you and seeking affirmation of his interest and pay more attention to whether or not HE is the man YOU want to be with. Do you feel good around him? Can you be yourself? Have you tried? Is he intentional and honest? Is he a man of his word?
Our desire to please and to feel loved can cloud our ability to assess the situation in a rational way. This can be a massive waste of our time and affections at best and a dangerous invitation for abuse and destruction at worst.
Now don’t feel bad that your desire as a woman to receive his attention and adoration can sometimes make you blind. Men can be just as blind to an attractive woman. He will spend money on her to impress her as his desire to be with her sexually blinds him to her behavior and all the red flags she will be sending off.
Bad bitches don’t get their bills paid, rent paid, gifts, trips, attention plus the works because they are “better” people than you are or more deserving or because he “loves her.” They get spoiled because they are using their beauty and sex appeal to take advantage of a man’s sillyputty brain when his lust eclipses his mind.
Just like handsome, successful, charming, alphas aren’t better men because they have women hanging off every limb in adoration. They are playing the game of sexual appeal and attraction in the same way.
But you, my friend, have the ability to learn how attraction and desire influence you and how your urges can work against your better judgment and then find ways to use your discipline, self-control and self-awareness to avoid the fuck and chuck lifestyle of the modern dating world.