blog,  Mindset

Insults Don’t Matter and Neither Does Flattery

You Can Walk Through Glass

If you woke up one day and found out that something that has the capacity to cause great injury had no effect on you, how would you react? If you realized that, for instance, you could walk through glass without a single scratch, much less the bloody lacerations that would have once torn through your flesh or that tear through the flesh of others, what would you do with that super power?  When you have a no bullsh!t mindset, you can walk through glass without injury.

Some would call this being practical, or no nonsense. It’s down-to-earth and fact based.  To many, it’s the red pill. Reality based and stripped of social conditioning and pressures.

If you don’t buy into the bullsh!t, if you can identify what forces are at play in shaping the world we live in, then it will seem like you can take sharp glass and stab it through you thighs without a wince, without drawing any blood. But it’s not glass that has no effect on them, glass is a metaphor for anything meant to take you down unfairly.  Nasty words. Accusations. Insults.  If you know your world and you know yourself and you love yourself, you will be simply untouched by offensive, cruel, words that are slurs or labeling or accusatory or mean.  These words have absolutely no effect on them.

You see, one of the big red pill awakenings is around words and what people say.  When you spend so much of your life believing the words of others, investing yourself based on the verbal assurances of others, and validating yourself based on verbal approval of others and that all falls apart and is revealed as meaningless, words lose their meaning.

Further, when those you love the most start to make up lies about you, call you names that are wholly untrue, and make false accusations about your character or behavior that are blatant lies you realize how much power people believe words have, how they are used to exert power over others to control them emotionally, physically, spiritually.

And the only way to take away the power of words is to not give them any power, to pay them no attention.

When you take the red pill, one thing that the happens during your recovery is you begin to trust yourself over anyone else.  That massive betrayal that gave you your pill forces you to completely lose trust in everything.  You don’t trust anyone you loved, you don’t believe anything they say, you don’t trust anything you learned and at the worst of it, you don’t even trust yourself.  How did you not know? How did you not see? Because in retrospect you start to see the signs that you ignored. How could you have ignored them?

Of course, you have a new perspective now. Everything looks different.

Trust yourself

But the first thing that comes back, the most important thing and the sign that you are going to be okay is trust in yourself.  A lot of Red Pill Theory, manosphere writing even the foundation of game which is building Alpha status has nothing to do with sex and dating or politics and everything to do with re-establishing trust in your own judgement.

People share stories about how situations appear, then discuss what is really happening, what is the TRUTH.  They identify the agenda, reveal the needs and wants. They look for evidence of the truth, patterns in the truth, repetition of the truth. Once you know what to look for, you start to see the patterns very easily. It almost becomes a game in and of itself to catch people acting in ways that support their agenda but contradict their “platform.”

Identify patterns

For instance, one of the biggest patterns men talk about is when women say they want a “nice guy” but time and again pass over their nice guy friends in favor of a jerk who leads them on, uses them, won’t commit and leaves them in tears seeking out emotional support from the kinds of guys they “claim with their words” to want but never follow through in their actions.

Identify inconsistencies between words and actions

An inconsistency I found when talking to men while dating was they would tell me that they were looking for a woman who was very sexual because their ex-wife did not like sex. But when I would ask if that was the reason they divorce, the man would say no, they divorced because she cheated.

Identify denial of or deceptive agendas

Another inconsistency important for women to look for is when a man says he’s looking for a serious, committed relationship, but all his actions say he’s playing you.  You can save yourself a lot of time and heartache if you pay attention to their actions and bolt at the first sign that they aren’t being honest about their agenda.

As you start to identify the patterns on your own, you build confidence that you are observing things as they really are.  You are not being fooled or misled or in denial. This is tremendously empowering and is the foundation of a great deal of the “self-help” related in these dating, sexual strategy communities.

Build confidence and trust in yourself

My own personal growth has been the same. It has been about learning to trust myself.  When I was blue pill I put a lot of faith in what others said. I had no reason not to.  Their advice had worked for them, I had no reason to expect it wouldn’t work for me. Why hadn’t it worked for me? What’s so different about me? Well, I’m not sure there’s anything different about me, but I believe our culture has changed. There have been a lot of great changes, a few bad changes and many changes that are up for debate among many as to whether or not they are good or bad.

The reasons can be and are debated endlessly. Many of my future posts will likely contribute to the debate of what is to blame for many of the red pill traumas. Those are for another day.

Words are cheap

The important thing to know is that with a red pill mindset words are cheap, what matters is consistency and follow through. Your actions must be congruent with your words to exhibit noble traits like integrity, trustworthiness and honor.

If your words and actions are not consistent it is assumed it is because you are not being honest about your agenda (either with yourself or with others); you are a hypocrite (doing one thing but saying another), you are a liar and a cheat (changing the rules while the game is in play for your own purposes).  Because trust is so important, anyone with these traits is dismissed.

Self Validation

The real test of if you’ve developed a self-validated sense of self is when you are as impervious to flattery as you are to insults.  It can be easier to dismiss someones insults or verbal attacks when we know they are unfounded. It’s harder to dismiss words of praise and adoration. We don’t want to believe the insults, but we want to believe the praise.  But it’s the praise, more so even that the insults that can really harm us. It is praise that is usually the entryway to manipulation.  We want to believe the lies we are told. We want to be adored, we want to be the person that we are being made out to be, so we accept it.  It’s important to build a sense of self that constantly checks for the truth against reality, against actions, against patterns.  If someone tells me I’m the best writer in the world, my ego may make me want to believe that so badly that I will choose to ignore the fact that I have no readers, no comments, no accolades from publications or editors. When I do that I am giving more value to another person’s word than to reality. When I do that I am giving that person power over me and my reality. They are now creating my world and creating my identity and sense of self. If someone creates that for me and I give up the reigns they can easily take it away.  It’s important to consider what is their intention in the sweet talk? What is their agenda? Most people who butter you up intend to fry you.

“Most people who butter you up intend to fry you.” Kitten Holiday

Up until now, it’s been unclear what the benefit of walking through glass is. For me, it’s been the ability to read, digest and listen to opinions by others that I disagree with, that are presented in an abrasive way, that completely go against what I think or know and not take it personally and not get angry.  It has also protected me from people who have a selfish agenda and want to make me a pawn in their game.  It has helped me develop not only my trust in my own judgement but to also honestly look at myself and identify my own strengths and weaknesses so that I’m less likely to fall under the spell of false praise or be slowed down by ridiculous insults meant to hold me back.

When you know yourself and love yourself, insults don’t matter. And neither does flattery. When you observe the world and others with a red pill mindset, you can walk through glass.

“When you know yourself and love yourself, insults don’t matter. And neither does flattery.” Kitten Holiday

I’m able to expose myself to information and people that at one point may have pissed me off, offended me, hurt my feelings or manipulated me like putty and look for the substance and value in what they are saying.  My job now, in this blog, is to hopefully help you also see these patterns, build a resistance to meaningless words, see the patterns, identify the agendas and have confidence that your own judgement is sound and can be trusted. So that when you find someone who is consistent in actions and words, who is transparent with his agenda and his agenda matches yours, you can feel secure in letting down your guard, being vulnerable and being open to love, lust, fun, trust and intimacy. We all want that, and I still believe it’s possible.


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I want to hear your thoughts! Please share in the comments.


  • Laura Topliffe

    Another thought provoking post. Thank you for challenging me. I don’t have a rebuttal yet as I’m mulling over the ideas. Stay tuned.

  • Ashley

    Love this. One of the things that I realized is that I would not be stuck in a victim mentality. Words don’t hurt me, and mercy to the soul of that who tries to harm me or those I love. There’s a lot of crazy shit that will happen to you in this life, and becoming beat down is no way to live. Your value must not be dependent on how people think of you or what they say about you.

    • Kitten Holiday

      “Your value must not be dependent on how people think of you or what they say about you.” AMEN

      Really glad you found my blog and that I, in turn found yours! look forward to more from you!

  • Jeffrey Schwartz

    Being impervious to insult and flattery because you trust in yourself is good and red pill.

    Deliberately reacting in a manner to convey desired misinformation to the person trying to manipulate you in order to manipulate them is even better.

    When your reaction to people calling you a moron implies that they struck your secret insecurity that you think you are a moron, then a part of them begins to think they don’t have to worry about you doing something clever later…after all, you all but admitted to them you’re a moron.
    Which is fine, until the moment the trap snaps shut.

    Drifting past red pill, into Dark Triad territory at that point, but what the heck. Some times a moron needs every tool they can hold on to to get ahead in the world.

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