I’ve noticed a disturbing trend recently of men knowing women’s bodies better than women do. Women are not taking charge of their own sexuality. For all the talk about empowerment and abandoning shame, it seems that female sexual desire is still misunderstood at best and at worst denied and repressed.
Our mothers shepherded society through the sexual revolution giving us more control of our bodies and our sex lives. I love that we are able to talk about sex more openly and I love that so many of you are enjoying it and feeling as if you have a right to do it whenever and with whoever you want. You do! And I applaud that! It’s your body. You are an adult and you are in charge of your life and your body. This is fantastic progress.
But I’ve noticed that in some areas we have fallen backwards and we still have so far to go. And it is our faults and our responsibility to correct. While we’ve worked to erase shame about various sexuality and sexual behaviors, women individually seem to be spending very little time exploring their own bodies, emotions and sexuality. In fact, we seem to be trying to repress everything that we should be celebrating.
Social Conditioning and Feminism Want to Erase Femininity
Women are out of touch with their moods, their hormones and their desires. One problem is social conditioning that is making women feel “less of a woman” to crave normal heterosexual activities (being sexually dominated, feeling vulnerable, giving in to a strong man who loves her, being submissive). Feminism is teaching women that these feelings are both harmful and unnatural conditioning from the patriarchy and meant to oppress them. It couldn’t be farther from the truth. These feelings are meant to build partnership, connection and bonding. Men feel protective, loving and caring for a woman who needs him and who lets herself be vulnerable to him. We can not connect if we have walls up everywhere. Sex is about intimacy. I know you’ve been told sex is about power. Sex can be used for power. Advertising uses sex for power and control over shoppers. Couples can use sex or withholding sex as a power tool to manipulate and control their partner. But sex is not inherently about power. People can use sex for power. Sex, the true nature of sex is about intimacy. Call it making love, call it fucking, call it whatever you want, but good sex, great sex, the kind of sex we all deeply crave is not about power, but about intimacy.
The Birth Control Pill is Muting Our Passion and Desire
Women are highly medicated. The birth control pill did wonders for making women feel more liberated sexually. With the fear of an unwanted pregnancy eliminated, women were able to enjoy the act of sex for sex and pleasure. Women were also able to better manage their lives by being able to predict and accommodate or in recent years, eliminate the monthly visit from Aunt Flo. However, the birth control pill has had a massive downside in that it mutes a woman’s sex drive as well as other emotional and hormonal reactions. Our very nature has been muted. Sure, for some, menstrual cramps have diminished and PMS is less pronounced, but so is our intuition, so is our connection to our body. So is our sex drive. It’s horrific! We are incredible, wonderful, sexual, passionate creatures. We need to be in touch with our bodies and our emotions to live fully. We are totally out of touch with our needs and wants when we drug ourselves with hormones out of convenience.
Mood Altering Drugs are Robbing Us of our Intuition
Women’s intuition is an amazing thing! It’s a beautiful thing. There are some things about being a woman that are a pain and a nuisance but as if to balance that out we have this incredibly ability to sense things about situations and other people. We call this women’s intuition. It happens to all women. It is when we seem to understand the situation or another person despite conflicting evidence to the contrary or a lack of information completely. A child will act out and we know that child needs to be held and not disciplined. A stranger will sit next to us quietly and we will know that stranger needs to talk. We also know when that stranger needs to be left alone. When we stay in touch with our own needs we are better able to observe and respond to the needs of others. This isn’t a trait that only belongs to women, but women appear to have been given an extra strength dose. Pregnancy, nursing, motherhood and other experiences that are unique to women seem to bring these talents to the surface even more. Our intuition serves an important role in community building, family building and caretaking, but it also serves a valuable role in protection: protection of ourselves and our families. That nagging feeling, getting the creeps, feeling anxious and worried, these are all natural and beneficial feelings for us to be in touch with when they happen. They are warnings to us, early alerts so we can change course. So many women are on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. These medications are not curing the evils of the world. Their anxieties are not defects. Anxieties are a warning that your needs and your environment are in conflict and change is necessary. How can a woman be in control of her life and her surroundings when her natural instincts and system for assessing the safety of her surroundings is watered down or obliterated?
I’m not going to tell you not to take medicine. That’s between you and your doctor. I’m simply suggesting that anxiety, sadness, uncertainty and even fear are not bad emotions. On the contrary, they are necessary emotions. We don’t want to eliminate them, we want to listen to them and then act on them so that we can make changes to improve ourselves and our lives. Drugs of any kind, prescription and recreational, interfere with our natural defense system. If you’re going to use them, be aware of what you are sacrificing.
Women Don’t Know Their Bodies
I’ve described how women are out of touch with their hormones and out of touch with their emotions, and I’ve described how feminism is creating an environment that makes women feel shame and guilt about their biology. Feminism diminishes the importance of femininity and female biology in it’s drive for equality, but when we erase our femininity we erase the heart and core of our nature. Has no one told you how wonderful it is to be a woman? Have you never witnessed the power and wonder and beauty of women who love themselves as deeply as they love others and how that plays out in the world? It’s magical. It is romance. It is miraculous. It is within you.
To claim your undeniable power as a woman you need to embrace your emotions, your biology, your intuition, your body and your sexuality. It’s not just about loving your body at any size and fighting to redefine beauty standards, truly loving your body means taking responsibility for it, listening to it and giving it what it needs.
To be truly empowered, you need to embrace your sexuality. To embrace your sexuality, you need to know your body. You need to explore visually, tactilely. You need to learn what feels good, how your body responds, how to control your desires and you need to learn how to lose control. Yes, I’m telling you that you need to masturbate. You need to masturbate alone at night, in the day. You need to masturbate int he dark and you need to masturbate in front of a mirror. Not only that, you need to masturbate using only what God gave you: two hands and a delicious imagination. Get rid of the the toys and vibrators. Your have everything you need to get off, except apparently patience, but you can learn that. After you masturbate, think about what turned you on, what felt good. Would you be able to describe that with a lover?
Vibrators produce an unnatural stimulation. Not only does it overemphasize your physical reactions giving intense physical pleasure but it gets in the way of you knowing your body. If you masturbate with a plastic toy, how will you know about the physical signs of your approaching orgasm? In addition to increased wetness, you will feel swelling, thickening, muscle contracting. Knowing your physical reactions to desire and arousal are as important as knowing if you like tall dark and handsome or teddy bear built men. Sex is one of the most exciting things we can do. We are all, every single one of us, capable of having sex and of feeling desire and reaching orgasm. Don’t you want to know how everything works and how to create that magic?
Vibrators also reduce your need for mental stimulation through fantasy because it provides such intense physical stimulation that it can build your sexual response faster than through fantasy alone. But fantasy is tremendously important for women. Our mental arousal matches our physical arousal. Not only that, but you can become physically dependent on your vibrator. Just as men can become addicted to porn and struggle to maintain erections without a certain visual stimulus and specific physical touch that only he can replicate, so can women become addicted to the intense, rapid and unnatural mechanical stimulation of a vibrator. Your mind is your biggest sexual organ. Use it.
Our nature has given us everything we need to thrive. We need to respect it, study it, embrace it instead of hiding from it, bulldozing it and medicating it. It’s time to fucking own it!