Attraction,  Essay,  Header Slider,  Social Conditioning

Men Love Sex, Women Love Attention.

There’s so much bitterness and resentment currently between the sexes.  Why? Because they simply don’t understand each other.  They want the other to be just like them.  The myth of marrying your best friend and equality and treat him/her how you want to be treated has completely confused the f*ck out of everyone.

I’m not saying he can’t be your friend. But he’s not going to be like your girlfriend.  If you want a partner to shop with you and talk to you endlessly about what could or might happen “if” scenarios, then you want a partner who is a woman. He doesn’t want that.  Similarly guys, if you want a partner who is stoic and to the point and predictable, then you probably want a dude.  Just saying.  Get real.

Women accuse men of being sex-obsessed, thinking with their dicks, objectifying women with a glance.  Men accuse women of being attention whores, selfie-addicted, narcissists.  There’s a battle between desire and resentment constantly playing out between the sexes that we have never seen before.  This is caused by two things: A total lack of acceptance about what drives the other and the internet.

So, here’s the deal.  Ladies, as long as you expect men to view sex the same way you do, you will be disappointed and resentful.  He never will. He is not wired the same as you are. And your resentment, disgust, divisiveness of his sexual desires and expressions is a cruel attack on his soul.  Your shaming tactics to turn his glances of appreciation into objectifying stares, to treat all men as rapists who need to learn not to rape and to insist that any relationship is built on your sexual terms only is cruel, abusive and destructive.

Men love sex.  Men are biologically wired to seek sex.   They find it pleasurable sexually, mentally and emotionally. It offers them a release to their desire, their frustrations, their emotions while also connecting them deeply with someone they admire and care for.  Treating their desire, the frequency of their desire, the way it is expressed as dirty is making them an enemy to your needs and is causing them to turn to places where they can get their sexual needs met without judgement.  Often that place is the internet.

While we often hear negative messages about men and their sex drives, it is at least by most, accepted as a normal, unavoidable part of their nature. A man can choose to seek out as many possible outlets for his sexuality or choose to be monogamous but it is seen as a reflection of the man’s values and lifestyle how he chooses to handle this unavoidable part of his nature.

For women however, there is part of their nature that is equally unavoidable and biologically wired. But instead of appreciating this as a natural aspect of the feminine nature that can be handled in a variety of ways, like a man’s sex drive, society and men especially, tend to shame women for this.

What do women seek from the outside that makes them feel good?  Attention. Women like attention and women are wired to seek it.  Attention can be sought out in many ways: fame seeking, selfie-posting, provocative clothing, creating drama, coy flirting, make-up.  There are many ways that women get attention and as with  men who have the option to seek easy outlets for their sexual needs (porn, loose women, multiple partners, one-night stands) or to invest himself in a partner who will meet his sexual needs (and everything on the scale between). She can seek the attention of many or the attention of her chosen one.  But regardless of how she gets her needs met; they are the same. A woman seeks attention, a certain level of validation. She wants to be appreciated and to have that appreciation confirmed verbally.

Because men do not seek attention in these same ways and in fact to get attention in this way might make many of them feel uncomfortable they don’t understand it and so they love to criticize it.  They call women “attention-whores.”  They put them down for the number of selfies. The perceive them to be weak and insecure and even stupid for posting pictures of themselves looking their best and for feeling that the “likes” or “comments” of affirmation would mean something.  This shaming of women for seeking attention and male approval of their beauty, style and attitude is no better than women shaming men for “looking at a woman’s body”, for their sexual desire, for his attempts to learn how to seduce and attract a woman or even for his pleasure in getting easy, no strings attached “meaningless” sex.

Women were made to be beautiful and men were made to desire them.  Men were made with such a strong desire for women, in fact, that they will do anything to get the attention and affection of them! Look at young men who are infatuated with a woman. These are the men showing off their dangerous bike tricks. These are the men buying shiny expensive new cars. These are the men who will literally do anything for love!  As they get older, suffer heartbreak, they scale back their efforts, not because they don’t still have the desire to do back flips for a woman he loves but because he’s become cautious and fearful of the emotional pain.

These antics and dramatic gestures are the very heart and soul of the Big Proposal! The blimp soaring across the sky with “Marry Me,”the crowd of strangers learning a dance routine to propose to the unsuspecting bride to be.  The creativity, ingenuity, planning and execution of many proposals is simply mind blowing!

Why? Because on some level, men know that women love it when a man makes a big deal over her.  It is not so much the attention of the crowd, even in these group proposals. It is the intensity of the attention he is showering on her that overwhelms her.

Why is this? Well, I’m no scientist but I believe that when a man gives a woman his full attention, she feels more security in keeping him. She does not want to worry that if she commits herself to him for mating that she will lose his attention to someone else.  This need for attention is a survival instinct that is biologically embedded in us; part of our wiring; the way God made us. Just like a man’s sex drive is a survival instinct.

So, don’t shame each other for nature.  Understand it about yourself and the opposite sex.  Realize that how you choose to get your needs met is up to you.  If a woman wants to seek the attention of every man; that is her choice.  If a man wants to have sex with every woman; that is his choice.  All our choices have consequences but they are choices and up to the individual.

Realize also that when someone is having their needs met, they don’t keep looking for more.   (Yes, some people may have a personality disorder or some trauma they are working through where they are a bottomless pit of need. I am talking about generally emotionally and mentally healthy people.)   But if someone is NOT getting his or her needs met, he or she will find a way.  These are needs, not wants. And we get them met. It’s survival.

So men, that means, if you are fulfilling you woman’s need for attention and affirmation, she will not waste her energy looking for it elsewhere.  Ladies, that means if you are fulfilling your man’s need for sex, variety in sex and excitement, he will not waste his energy looking for it elsewhere.

The easiest, fastest way for both men and women to get these needs met, with the least amount of personal investment is online.  Men have porn, women have social media.  If your relationship is suffering and you both are feeling unfulfilled, the fastest fix you can implement is to understand and accept the other person’s needs.  Then stop looking at porn or escaping into sports (excitement) men and ladies, shut down the social media and get the attention of your man.  Where you put your attention and energy is a reflection of your values.  If you value your partner, put your efforts there.  And stop shaming each other.  You’re just human.



PS. Before everyone starts griping in the comments I’ll clarify that this post is using examples to illustrate part of our nature that is different in men and women and where it might come from. I’m not at all saying that men don’t also like attention and that women don’t also like sex.  Of course men like attention too and women love sex.  I’m trying to illustrate some of the subtle differences using exaggerated or extreme examples because I don’t have time to write about every little scenario possible.  Don’t be ridiculous in my comments because you are hungry or bored or looking for a fight. No one has time for that.

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  • Omega Man

    Fantastic post. I just hope that the young men and women of today will heed the wisdom proffered in this article

    Just a few funny comments about young men.

    I bought a Corvette and ended up marrying one of the young ladies who loved to ride with me. The sad (not really) part is that once the babies came along, I had to trade it in for a Dodge mini-van. My wife also told me that I no longer needed a chick-magnet as I already had a chick, i.e. her. I’m not really complaining as we’ve been married for more than 25 years and there is no let up.

    The other point is that while men do like sex, sex with the woman you love is like nothing else on this earth. While this never happened to me, I would suggest to women that when they deny their husbands sex too often, then what they’re really telling him is that they don’t love him anymore. Your husband will go to the ends of the earth for you, the woman he loves, but you need to know how to show your love to him as well.

    • Stephen & Linda Joaquin

      Women are far more sexual creatures than men. As men get older their ability diminishes. When will we simply start accepting the truth and stop buying into this comforting allusion to stroke men’s bottomless ego well?

      • Lauren Tidale

        Once past menopause most woman lose the want/need for sex all together when as for men in most cases can & want sex to the day they die. It’s been proven scientifically men are driven by sex and women are driven by procreation making men the more sexual creature.

        • Angela

          That is as ignorant as information about sexuality comes. Menopause only ends regular firtility, not sex drive. Female hormones don’t disappear completely when a woman hits menopause. Go read something other than a 1950s playboy. Women are actually ”wired“ to be more promiscuous and visually stimulated than men, no matter what lies the sex industry sells men.

          • Nigel

            I don’t think the world represents that all to well. If this is true, and Women really are just naturally more promiscuous than men then I would assume that all that women would react to situations the same way (if not more irrational) as a man would which I just don’t see. Regularly, if given the opportunity, guys would hook up with girls who are known to be destructive and have huge red flags because of a strong urge to have sex. The opposite of that is girls who get into relationships with guys who are destructive and have red flags but still stay with them anyway. The modern day man is afraid of relationships and the modern day woman is afraid of a player. I already knew why some men are afraid of relationships. But I didn’t understand why so many women were afraid of hook ups. I think the explanation in the article helps explain that a lot actually. If it wasn’t the case, women and men I think would gladly just have sex all the time way more often with multiple people and not call them later for anything.

  • Mike

    Kitten, you are spot-on, 100%.

    Men and women *are* wired differently, and we’re driven by different core wants and needs. It really is that simple.

    Neither is “right” or “wrong”, they’re just “different”.

    Thank you for being a voice of reason and clarity!

  • james

    Hello Kitten,

    you are making a very important point, several times in your article. In matters of priority and strength of desire, pretty much, Women desire attention and Men desire Sex. Let’s take it further: The emotional and psychological value of sex for men, is equal to emotional and psychological value of attention for women. Now let’s be honest, talking in averages ;-), who of the two genders gets their “fix” (the real deal) more often. In general, women get real life attention thrown at them on a daily basis, then add social media attention (the synthetic “fix”). Men don’t get sex thrown at them like that, all we are left with is synthetic sex online.

    Another really important and deep aspect: how much do women have to work and pay for their fix, and how much do men for theirs?

    As you can see, (many men’s) bitterness and resentment do not come from not understanding each other, but lack of fairness, why should we get over it?

    In your opinion, what can be done about all this?

    • Kitten Holiday

      You are very right. Women do get their fix with far less effort. However, they only get a partially fulfilling fix. The attention they get falls short of what they are truly seeking, which is security and commitment. It’s fleeting.

      I’m not trying to minimize, I do think that pretty women can “live comfortably” in society with just the attention thrown at them. Then again, women have skyrocketing anxiety rates so maybe they aren’t that happy with the scraps afterall.

      I’m not sure how it could be fixed. I think the internet feeds people cheap fixes (porn, social media attention). Seeking in person relationships and working to fulfill the other persons needs would certainly help. So would having the self restraint to not seek out the attention online during a slump. (Men are shamed for flirting and having affairs and wile many men may call women attention whores or whatnot for posting a lot of selfies, there are not the same consequences for seeking to get their needs met outside the relationship. They aren’t seen to be on the same plane of seriousness. I think they are both dangerous behaviors to relationships.

      I’m hoping if we understand these needs we can try to meet them. Men should remember their partner really does seek his attention and approval far more than he might think is necessary. And women need to remember that men need that sexual release more than they do. In a relationship, it is our job to meet these needs for our partners as much as possible.

      • David

        Hi Kitten,
        Thank so much for posting this, it’s got to be one of the best, well balanced articles on women and men that states what we’re thinking but too scared to say for fear of being berated for it! I’m grateful that there are people like you in the world to dispel my cynicism and give some non judgemental insights into why we are like we are and the difference between men and women. It’s bittersweet to me, on the one hand depressing because it doesn’t play into the hands of our Hollywood notions of love and relationships (happily ever after) but it’s positive because now that we understand each other’s drivers, we can work with them to meet each others needs.

        Dave 🙂

      • p

        How are you comfortable being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you for you as a person Kitty? That seems extremely dehumanizing and self hating to me

          • Travis

            The comment you’re responding to seems right on point with what you wrote in this article. Now I agree to certain extent as a generalization, but to assume men and woman are all the same way is a fallacy that keeps getting pounded into our heads. Our humanity isn’t our sex. What we want and need because of our gender is a spectrum and culturally based. People need to be in touch with both sides of themselves, feminine and masculine. It’s easy to fall into this trap of gender specific needs and wants. It’s not that simple. Men that just look for sex and woman that just want affirmation are signs of insecurity. Start by becoming the best person you can and get in touch with your humanity, not just your gender specific needs. Love will follow and someone that loves you for yourself will be there. Never sacrifice who you are for someone else and don’t have these expectations. Let them decide if you’re good enough not the other way around. You’re giving people expectations and selling both sexes short. If this is your experience you may need to work on who you are attracted to and pick to date.

  • kinglbjtj

    using a car to get a chick is sad. get the car for yourself. wear makeup for yourself. of course its smarter to drive a boring eco friendly car tho.

  • james

    The rampant female narcissism that flourished out of constant attention from men is creating enormous issues in daily male-female relationships, at the expense of undeserving men. Most women seek attention, attractive, non-attractive, wives, sisters. I’ve witnessed countless mothers in company of their husbands and kids, jump hoops to get attention from the top males, to get that ego boost, because by “some law” if an attractive man looks at you he must be interested in you. I witnessed many unattractive women (yes, unattractive, bear with me) change their course so you have to bump into them, and the second you notice them (how could you not after that show she just performed) they put on their rejection face on, or the “innocent” don’t-look-at-me-please-don’t-violate-me-with-your-eyes look. And I know she’s not looking for security or commitment with that face on, quite the opposite. She’s putting her self in potential danger (she doesn’t know me) only to “reject” me. All of that just to get a pair of eyes on her. That toxic, dishonest, imaginative ego boost makes the female more entitled, she creates (in her head) a fake sense of bigger value (let’s not get into the looks/value topic because, seeking attention by eyes is all about looks, and women seek it all the time) and so, to underline, her relationships with every day men in her surroundings start to deteriorate, at the expense of men’s sanity, which they do not deserve. Meanwhile, she gets her fix, for free, takes it, forces it even in some cases.

    Should women take responsibility for that?

      • Jonathan

        So, if you are being honest, you are the exception to the rule that the author allowed for. For me this makes you the truly scary sociopath.

        • Anto

          You address her and not him and I don’t see the link with her being a sociopath for not needing any male approval all the time. She’s not an exception at all. For many guys here, it’s damned if you don’t and damned if you do for women. If she does, she’s like all women, if she’s not like “all women” she’s a scary sociopath.
          Same for women and videogames and whatever you mention.

  • Anonymous

    I’ve started to work some of this out myself, I’m 31 now and in a position where my frivolities have ceased, my wit and job have improved, so to some extent I am more likely to meet a permanent partner, as my looks haven’t diminished too much and I’m a much rounder person. I’ve accepted the folly of women now, and the desperation over this folly of men. To some extent in free society I believe this has always existed. What I would say to men is, even if a woman acts coy then comes back, give her a subtle gesture in person or text to let her know your heart is hers. Don’t overstate this, and if you are lucky….you get her, but yours is the risk and you will lose many times be strong… it’s hard to be a man.

    • KK

      Never been a fan of people (men or women) who need constant attention. But I have been in a relationship where the women was always needing it when we were out, in how she would dress and also how she behaved with guys. Very flirtatious, and would even tell me afterwards about a guy paying her attention when I wasn’t even around.
      I never understand people like that, but I just wanted to say that it can also be guys trying for attention too but in different ways like being loud or being the stupid joke teller or the guy that just needs to be heard all the time. I’m sure most women don’t really like those kind of guys the same as men not liking their women being attention getters too.

      • p

        As a stupid Joke teller I’m insulted. People love me thank you very much. Life would be boring without me. I swear. I bet you only have missionary sex. You definitely seem to hate fun ):<

  • Reuben

    You’re totally right! Except for the fact about the reason we’re wired that way… if there was a God, the reason both sexes do either of these things is because we both try to fill the gap in our spirit (aware or unaware of it) that we don’t allow God to fill. We become so desperate inside to be whole, that we fill it with what we believe to be right (sex for men, attention for women). We don’t realise that, neither of these things will never make us happy. You have to keep coming back for it to lift yourself up again. Before you know it, you’ve broken friendships, got an addiction to either sex (porn, prostitutes… friends?) or attention (makeup + fashion, social media, friend popularity), and are you really happy?..

    It’s not like that with God, as relationship is what truly fills that gap in your spirit in which we’ve all tried to temporarily fill with this instinct. Let God take over, so reputation never has to affect you ever again. He loves you so much, and walk with him? He’ll free you from all of it. That’s true redemption.

  • John

    Ladies – go ahead and keep believing we’ll do anything for sex. It’s not true anymore. Women have manipulated men with sex for so long that we’re done with it. It’s nothing but a tool of manipulation, so sex is off the table in all my dating relationships. Now let’s talk about your need for attention. It’s annoying and childish. I won’t stand for it. And since you have nothing to give me (sex is really all you ever had) in return, you get no attention. Life is so much better with a woman in it.

  • Xhris

    While the behavioral patterns you describe are accurate for many men (“sex-driven”) and women (“attention-seeking”), they have very little to do with “nature” in the sense that men and women are “wired” that way. The opposite is the case. Nature provides a much wider range of behavioral options than the ones we are commonly used to seeing. However, most of these options are filtered out by societal norms (education, shaming, etc.) so that for most people only a much smaller range remains. This reduction of complexity is then often falsely perceived as “the way nature intended it” or “how things are meant to be”. But this is an illusion. The truth is that we make our own joy and misery alike, and once we realize this, we are free to throw off the idiotic shackles modern “culture” is constantly trying to impose on us. Both bros and hoes need to go away to make room for more freedom.

    • p

      I’m pretty sure the sex drive thing is testosterone per experience. Men will be quite happier with a little Spiro in their system 😉

    • Angela

      Finally, XHRIS, someone here is using their brain and not getting their information from ex-strippers and porn addicts. This article is based on observations of social construct and NOT biology. It’s absolute nonsense. Our society exploits and shamed female sexuality at the same time. It is used and commodified at every turn. Instead of letting women own their primal desires, they are raised to always look/act sexy (aka to appear open and available to any man) but not act on it. It’s all societal. Pre-agricultural humans were not monogamous, (especially the women) and men had as much invested in offspring as women because there wasn’t any Maxim or Playboy magazines feeding them lies about human sexuality and sex roles.

  • Hanna

    The ol stereo typing women need a mans validation or be ignored bullshit.
    The ol women don’t love plain dirty and primitive sex when in fact we do.
    Women “are” sex.
    Hugh Hefner even said this.
    We don’t need an emotional connection.
    And we really deep down inside do not give two fucks about a mans desires unless we love him or he pays us.

    • Jay Gap

      Shut up!…Typical female idiot, the fact that you commented with a negative grumpy female attitude is testament to the female dominated world we live in, the driving force behind the disconnection between both sexes. Get over already!!

      • p

        New copypasta! D:< Shut up! D:<…Typical female XD idiot XD, the fact that you commented with a D:< negative D:< grumpy O+ female O+ attitude is testament to the O+ female O+ 😮 dominated 😮 world we live in, the driving force behind the X disconnection X between both 8===D sexes ({"}). !!!Get over already!!

        If no ones fucking you the reality is you're probably not fuckable. Get over it. And learn to talk like a human

    • Anonymous

      If you “love” sex so much then why withhold it, use it as a weapon, won’t do it if you’re upset, need to get paid to do it, lie about having headaches to avoid it, lie about being tired, stop having it after marriage, babies, make guys jump through hoops to get it, fake orgasms?

      Guys don’t do this. We, really love sex. We don’t need to warm up to want it either. You don’t have to take us out or buy us anything or massage us to make us want it. You don’t even have to talk.

      So stop with the mythology. Women are sex? Women are the embodiment of lies and manipulation. Deceit.

  • Sid Crowley

    I’ve checked out of the mating arena and couldn’t be happier. Women today are nuts with their expectations, annoying with their social media addiction, and really confused because of feminism and this “career/family have-it-all problem”. Not my problem. I don’t get seven page credit card bills in the mail from weekend after weekend of “retail therapy” either and honestly when most couples fight about money, that’s the source of the friction. I don’t like wasting money on foo-foo material crap and clothes I will wear once and then toss on the closet floor. I have two pairs of shoes. Two pairs of jeans. Three pairs of work pants. A dozen shirts (six for work). I’m a simple guy. Why would I want to move in with a woman who’s expecting me to bring home the lion’s share of the money, despite all this equality business? The reality is women still marry up, and now – thanks to a throw-away attitude and the “divorce industry” odds are the guy will be looking at a divorce or separation somewhere down the line. Sorry, pass.

  • Sid Crowley

    Oh, @Hanna:

    “And we really deep down inside do not give two fucks about a mans desires unless we love him or he pays us.”

    We know Hanna. You only care about the guy if you’re getting something out of him. Men are just a utility – a resource for you. You’re the kind of person who leaves their mate because of job loss. People like you deserve the kind of misery you bring upon yourself.

    Thanks for being yet another woman to re-assure me that I’m making the best choice by remaining single.

  • Anonymous

    First let me start off with a disclaimer here, you don’t know me and being that I am anonymous here, there is little motivation or reason for me to lie or to flatter you here. So, these words are 100 percent my honest thoughts on your work.

    I have read numerous articles and books about relationships and they pretty much have left me confused about women. I have dated over 100 women in my lifetime and still was confused to the internal workings of a woman’s mind. I understand that women lust for money and stability in a man, but I could never get into a woman’s mind to understand her motivations for these desires. Your article here is the best article I have ever read about understanding the inner workings of the female mind.

    Most of the world is full of BS and PC culture which basically spews out lies or “feel good” stories which only leave the readers astray and more baffled. Your insight, courage to see what is real, and ability to articulate it in a succinct and meaningful way is pretty rare, especially for a female writer.

    Thank you for your meaningful and life altering insight, your words here are very much appreciated.

  • Butch Hawkins

    I quit dating altogether. I go out with friends for my own enjoyment. Women these days seem to be looking for the guy in the movies. The perfect guy. That’s fine. If that unicorn is out there. Me, I am just a guy in his 50s. Single and OK with it. If a woman comes along that doesn’t look down on a man with a few dings and scrapes. That isn’t all about the bank account. I’m combat vet on disability. And I 100% understand the desire for a fella with more cash. So if that gal ever comes along. Then I’m open. And I will treat her with the same respect and love that I expect. But I am happy with my life right now. At least for the moment.

  • woodshoot

    Your article completely skips over the way women get attention and men get sex from a bunch of different people. Women lead men on into thinking they have a chance with her. That is the only way women get men to waste their time on a girl who isn’t giving them anything in return. Equally, men pretend they are prepared for a long-term relationship with a girl when really they just want to have sex with them.

    Or do you really think there are men who just want to sit around giving attention to women indefinitely for no reason? If you met any of these women and asked them truthfully, they would tell you that these men eventually give up when they realise they have been had. The women then have to find a new group of men to add to their instagram account.

    It is just sick and disgusting and only immature, unhappy people engage in this type of behavior. The world does not reward them kindly for using other people.

    • blogster

      You make some good points. I’d go a step further but. How many times does a woman have to make the mistake of having sex too early or not attempting to get affection and attention in return before she adjusts her actions towards men? Maybe 2 times (or 3 times if she’s a bit dense).

      How many times must a man give some level of attention to women before he realises he’s been had and she just wants an attention fix? It never ends for men, because in order to get the shot at sex or a relationship, he must initiate first, tip his hand and show interest.

      AT minimum she gets some level of validation, women know men don’t talk to them unless they hope for sex or a relationship.

      This is ultimately why women don’t approach first, it leaves them no wiggle room or plausible deniability.

  • John

    It’s easy for women to say ‘get over it’ when men have been the losers in all this. 60 years ago the dating pools were tiny and most people ended up marrying someone from their hometown due to lack of mobility and other options. People married young and made the best of it. Few could afford to be picky about who they married. It was far from a perfect arrangement, but many a loyal husband was quite happy to spend his life giving his wife the love, attention, and security she needed in exchange for the sex he needed. The internet has destroyed any and all realistic expectations across the spectrum from casual sex to marriage.

    Social media means women no longer have to put in any effort to get attention beyond lifting their arm and taking another selfie. They don’t even have to leave the house anymore to get attention. They can just lie around on the couch with their smart phones and bask in the adoration of hundreds of people from all over the world feeding them endless validation.

    Women have become drug addicts, addicted to a constant stream of ‘likes’ and praise that is now available to them on tap 24/7. This hyperinflation has fooled women into thinking they’re princesses and they now act accordingly. Despite all the feminist talk of only wanting equality, dating site statistics reveal the brutal truth: women consider 80% of men ‘below average’ in everything from looks and height to wealth and status. The 1-10 scale only applies to women. As far as women are concerned, any man below an 8 is invisible and not really a man at all but just part of the scenery.

    Women across the spectrum are only looking for the top 10% of men who are tall, rich, handsome, athletic, and of high social status. Western women have become so entitled and deluded that they are blind to the flipside of this. Even old hags with three kids to two different fathers still can’t grasp that the top 10% of men are only interested in the top 10% of young beautiful fertile women who haven’t had children yet.
    It blows my mind to see a never ending parade of delusional middle aged women on dating and hook up sites with their laundry lists of requirements.

    A typical ads reads:

    “45-year-old BBW seeks handsome, athletic, educated, honest and respectful man who is at least 6 feet tall, well hung, and makes over $150,000 a year.”

    Note the euphemism. Women demand honesty in a man yet are never honest themselves. Women never just come right out and say they’re fat. It’s always ‘BBW’ or ‘curvy’ or ‘larger woman.’ The world is full of such delusional women now. Women whose sexual market place value fell through the floor years ago yet still think a handsome millionaire’s going to come knocking on the door of their suburban apartment and sweep them off their feet.

    Many men are opting out of the dating game and giving up on women altogether. Sophisticated robot sex dolls are already being developed and in the next decade or so will become realistic enough to fulfil men’s sexual needs. Once that happens the only attention women will be getting is from other women. The only reason men have ever given women attention is due to the possibility of getting sex in return. With the advent of life-like sex dolls, men who aren’t specifically looking to have children will have no need for women. Women will still crave male attention though, and millions will have nervous breakdowns once men no longer have any incentive to give it to them.

    It would be laughable if it wasn’t so tragic.

  • Eoin

    I agree with a lot of whats been said here, women do seek male attention. But I disagree with the idea that this is hard wired into their biology. Just take a step back and look at things and you see that the need for attention is destructive. The institution of marriage is in a dire state. Most marriages end in divorce and 75% of those break ups are initiated by women. Women crave attention from men and if they dont get it they’ll try to find someone else who’ll give them that attention. But in order to get that attention they’ll inject poison into their faces. They’ll spend most of their time and income on beauty treatments and products. They’ll get into debt from spending money on clothes that they dont have. They’ll warp and ruin their natural features with plastic surgery. How many times have you seen famous women who no look like aliens because their faces have been destroyed by procedures. These are terrible things and a waste of life. Women were not meant to destroy their bodies and minds seeking male attention. Thats 100% ego. There are 2 paths through life; one is living by the ego the other is realising that theres more, something deeper and fulfilling. Its found by not trying to get artention. Letting that go and feeling what comes up from there. If you do this you find deeper meaning and ultimately live a happy life. So to say that womens need for attention is hard wired into them……..thats not true. Its the road most women go down but its not the one that leads to happiness. A few women have been brave enough to let go of the need for attention and they found happiness thats real and lasting.

    • Kitten Holiday

      Of course seeking attention from the masses is destructive. Just like having sex with the masses is destructive.

      • Dave

        Hey Kitten I get his point. I think this is more of him just expressing his personal views than a harsh rebuttal of your article (which is how you responded to it). Your responses to these comments are quite snappy in general. By the way I enjoyed reading your article and THANK YOU for writing it. I agree with the majority of it; I will say that I believe that this desire for attention is largely fueled by the society that we live in today. Women love being appreciated (most men feel most appreciated by having sex), but for many women it has definitely spiraled out of control. Hence toxic relationships where women blatantly use men that they have no intention of having sex with, social media addiction, etc. At the end of the day it happens on both sides, men faking interest just to get inside womens’ pants. From my experience the deception happens more from woman to man than from man to woman. Maybe my opinion is biased because I am a man. Sometimes I wonder, which sex started the deception and insecurity first? A lot of it comes from people not knowing themselves.

        Though despite this, there are definitely people that know themselves and choose to not play this superficial game at all and live happily. This world we live in is extremely shallow. But the amount of great sex you can get from playing this game is worth it.

          • Eoin

            Just seeing this now………Dave was right, my comment was not an attack on you or your article, and I definitely wasnt trolling. .Jack nicholson said something like: Everything men do is secretly driven by the desire for sex. He’s probably right. But I think if you become self aware and start to look at yourself and ask why you do the things you do, then a change can definitely take place. Basically what Im saying is it comes down to a choice. You can allow sex to drive everything you do or you can choose to take another path. And I think its the same for women and attention. You can allow the craving for attention to drive you and your choices or you can stop and decide to take another way through life.
            And thats why I dont think the desire for attention in women is hard wired, because theres always a choice. Women can decide to stop seeking attention and instead give themselves validation. I think thats what it boils down to. Theres a great TED talk titled beauty sickness by Renee Englen that talks about all of this.

          • Kitten Holiday

            Agree. I did try to address that in the article. I also tried to make a distinction between healthy sex/attention and unhealthy. We all crave intimacy, acknowledgement, to be known by others and understood or appreciated. We can allow our needs to take control of us and fulfill these desires in meaningless or even harmful ways or we can be more self aware and have them fulfilled in a relationship, community.

            Men can also stop seeking sex and just masturbate but is that the same as quitting? I’d ask the same of your suggestion for women. We were built for relationships. Denying ourselves our needs won’t make them less real. It’s better to find fulfillment in ways that aren’t destructive.

  • Nipple-warriorlol

    Men’s issues are always either downplayed or put into comparison with women’s issues and then deemed not that bad. This is the new lifestyle which makes men not want to be involved as much. For example, in this article a man’s need for sex is put at an equal or lower place than a woman’s need for attention. But how hard does a man need to work for sex versus how hard a woman needs to work for attention? For a man to get sex from any person they have to give their attention (what guy just walks over, says lets fuck and gets his way without giving value.) and also curb their need for sex because of delayed gratification. Women get attention by looking good then advertising that they do (she doesn’t need to have sex first, because of how the game works). I can look like michael jackson doing the moonwalk with the glove and that doesn’t mean I will get sex without giving in return. She can put on a sundress or some rompers and take a walk at the park and will get anamount of attention that is actually scary (and will walk back home without having sex of course). Now i understand women have struggles to, and i don’t think they should have to have sex for attention like some kind of a car deal (that’s wrong). But i do think the amount of work needed to get attention is far less than the work needed for sex (and this is where a problem comes in). So a man isn’t given hell for chasing sex, well that’s because it takes a lot of work and you have to put out a lot of attention (for her) and skills (to be different than the other guy chasing the same thing). For women to get attention they need skills indeed. I’ve tried doing make up for my ex for a bet (shits not easy). But you’re making the illusion of a possibility of sex, especially if the woman is unsure of how she feels. But that illusion is made to keep getting the attention. Now lets say she just gets tired of that brand of attention. She walks away (no shame in her game, it’s life), he gets no sex, and she got all the attention she needed from this specific person at the time. Now where is the work that would prevent someone from being shamed in that? If someone can really answer please do. Because this actually puts me in a dark place. And i wish i wasn’t so bitter about it.

    • Anonymous

      It’s like this: she wants attention, you want sex. You give her a little bit of attention/acknowledgment, but not enough to indicate that you actually want to have sex with her. Then disengage so that she feels a loss of attention and wants it back. If she reengages with you, escalate the connection by physically touching her while you say something , but break the connection again. Repeat this process by setting up a time/place and continue to physically escalate and boom you’re done.

      • Anto

        You sound quite sad here. Are you sure your theory is a closed and perfect air tight system? 🙂 Good news for you, it’s not.

    • Anto

      Maybe her theory is not so air tight, don’t take her literally.
      Many all talk about how feminists are the worst, well the Op’s theory is apparently the result of traditional, hence non feminist, gender roles. Maybe they mistaken the target of their frustration.


    It is very sad the amount of very pathetic loser women that we have out there nowadays that are making it very difficult for many of us good innocent men really looking for love today. Women have certainly changed for the worst of all unfortunately now since they just don’t have any respect for us men at all with a very rotten personality to go along with it as well. It has become so very dangerous for many of us men to try to start a normal conversation with a woman that we would really like to meet since they will be very nasty to us most of the time and walk away anyway. Very troubled women nowadays with a lot of very severe mental problems which unfortunately most of them have which makes it very scary for many of us men trying to meet a decent normal woman nowadays. And there are many of us very good innocent men that would really know how to treat a good woman with a lot of love and respect which they just don’t give us men a chance at all either. These type of women should seek real professional help since most of them nowadays do need it very badly, especially the way that they act now with us men that never did anything wrong in the first place. And now you have all of these reality TV shows as well as social media that has certainly corrupted many of these women’s minds along with these Feminists that are everywhere these days that had made it worse altogether. It is very obvious why many of us good men are still single today because of these women which years ago most of the real good old fashioned women were the very best of all since they really made love happen back then.

  • Des

    What a great article! I was taking a break and feeling frustrated by somebody’s attention-seeking behavior I encountered earlier today. Only half-heartedly expecting to find anything of substance, I googled: “why do women seek so much attention”. I picked this post and found it refreshing, and felt a little better (and less annoyed with a certain somebody) upon reading it. Strangely, there were men and women who responded to this article with rants against the opposite sex, but I found your take on it honest and insightful. No need for me to read any other posts on the subject today, you captured and expressed it all very nicely. It must have been just what I needed.
    With a little help from your article, I did “get over it”.

  • Anonymous

    Lol what a female-centered joke of an article! The world does not revolve around you. Women desire sex or a sexual release just as much. At least from my experience. Your lies and deciet have long been proven wrong. Sluts like you and your hatred of men are only going to affect your well being lol. Not us. We know the reality.

  • Asad

    Lol what a female-centered joke of an article! The world does not revolve around you. Women desire sex or a sexual release just as much. At least from my experience. Your lies and deciet have long been proven wrong. Sluts like you and your hatred of men are only going to affect your well being lol. Not us. We know the reality.

    • Michelle Grewe

      I’m not sure what dictionary you’re working with, but a slut would be a woman who has lots of sex. To call a person a slut and claim they don’t like sex and that they hate men is kind of like saying you are an intelligent person after reading your comment. Her lies and deceit has long been proven wrong, again you got confused because it’s not her doing the lying and deceiving, it’s you. And “We” know the reality, Asad are you an organization?

      • S--

        Nice try insecure feminazi. Stop changing the subject and get off point here. You’re not fooling anyone. Especially not me.

  • Asad

    Sluts like you can never be successful at keeping the truth from men. Women desire sex or release just as much. Your past issues with men have probably led you to write this laughably inaccurate passage. But nothing can be further from the truth. Thankfully I know from experience.

  • Michelle Grewe

    I think sex is very different between men and women, like the biological differences between the genders is hard to deny, but it’s more than just the parts. Like transgender people realize that and often have to do some hormone replacements, and even then, it feels like something else is missing for the transformation to be fully complete. And I think part of the problem is that people are confusing gender roles for gender differences and are changing the expectations culturally, and it’s interfering a bit, but on a Darwinian level (or creationism), God made us malleable, so we’ll evolve/adapt to the next culture somehow.

    • S--

      Exactly my point. Insecure and selfish women like you and Kitty (especially spoiled, evil western white women such as yourselves) attempt to take advantage of a long-held false stereotype for a shot at revenge for whatever past male issues have engulfed you. Such women really have no decency and help give other honest, strong, nice and caring women a bad name. Go back to Europe. Oh and don’t forget the beach.

  • Steve

    Well unfortunately most of the single women today just can’t commit to only one man anymore since they’re very busy sleeping around with so many different men all the time.

  • K.B. Peters

    The comments are entertaining and nothing more, for the most part, and it does look like many didn’t read the words, skimmed or scrolled to comment once they got pissed off.

    Good insight and I agree about much of it… except for the part about your partner not being your best friend. Been there and done it and it was awesome while it lasted. Although, I’m sure it was an oddity in this world. We still have that connection. Unfortunately, her husband doesn’t have the same connection with her and he squashes it any time he sees her eyes sparkle when I’m around and I won’t see her for several months when I go to pick up my son. But, we were everything to each other for a brief 2 years. She was young. We were poor and crazy…but happy most of the time… although passion is a bit of a double-edged sword. So, I think it can happen but it’s super rare.

    Also, my best friend these days is also a woman. Things did veer off in a sexual direction a few times but one of us would pump the brakes since we both value the friendship too much to screw it up. Yeah, I passed on a drunk, 5’2, buxom, blonde beauty who pinned me up against a wall, kissed me deeply and most passionately and told everyone in the company Christmas party that she was taking me back to her place to fuck my brains out. Got her naked, put a trash can by the bed, took my shoes off and crawled into bed with her to keep her safe. Never touched her. Just made sure she didn’t choke if she puked. I told her in the morning when she woke up frantically checking herself to see if we had fucked, that nothing happened. Six years later, she’s still my best friend so, good call.

    Point is, if there’s love… real, true love… not the shit described above where the relationship or dating is looked at like a business transaction (what am I getting?), you can have it all. A friend who will listen to you manically talk about scenarios at breakneck speed and try to chill you out by either listening or pouring wine down your throat and shoving chocolate in your mouth… and he can be the same dude who makes you laugh sometimes when you’re fucking… make you cum so hard that it qualifies as cardio. Why? Because you’re everything to each other… so freakin’ close that when you hurt, he hurts too. When you’re happy, he’s happy too. It’s out there… just super duper rare and there is no magic formula. It just sorta happens… and when it does happen it becomes consuming and it makes you wonder what the fuck dating was all about since it pales in comparison. But, yeah… I’d sell a kidney and a lung for that… to find that and make that girl smile. Fuck…

    • Anonymous

      Well as long as these women have their girlfriends and a good strap on, then they will have no problem at all since they’re very pathetic low life losers anyway to begin with.

  • Random wife

    Hey, thanks for this article. I am a married woman and have always been aware of and fair about a man’s need for sex. I have spent my 12 yr marriage being sexually available for my spouse, always trying to meet his needs for sex and connection and he’s not complained.
    However he is a bit harsh when he speaks, he is critical and a bit crabby in general and does not tend to give me any praise or verbal affirmation. This has made me feel sad for years and I have asked gently for these needs to be met but he has always told me that I am selfish or otherwise shamed me. Eventually I just stopped asking but today I was feeling lonely and sad and decided to Google “do women want attention” to see if maybe he is right and that there is really something wrong with me that I would like some attention from him. I’m not asking for much. Just some eye contact and maybe some conversation now and then or a compliment or bit of praise when I do something that pleases him. I genuinely want to make him happy and I try so hard and he never praises, only criticizes or is quiet. He says he is happy so I don’t there hunk I’m doing a bad job but I don’t understand why he will not meet my needs for a little bit of attention except that he apparently has bought into the idea that I am a bad person for bothering him with a need he doesn’t understand, I suppose.

    Anyway, to be totally honest, I got teary eyed when I read your article. It was such a relief to know that I’m not some kind of crazy person or closet narcissist for wanting my husband’s attention a little bit. Craving some appreciation or valiadation… just to be told here and there that I am valued and wanted… Anyway thanks for letting me know I am not crazy.

    (And I realize now that this is typed out how very sad it really sounds. But I have not turned to validation seeking from the Internet as truly I just want it from the man I chose to marry. But I have known for a long time that I will need to learn to live without my needs being met or get a divorce-which I probably won’t do because I do not want to hurt the kids. It is really sad. I chose badly and you just don’t get many chances to choose a mate, unfortunately.)

    • Kitten Holiday

      Your post does sound sad and I have felt the same way before but I’m glad you found this article and do feel some validation because what you are seeking is totally normal and now that you know it’s normal I hope you can have more confidence in advocating for your own needs with him. I do hope he will respond to you. You are not asking for too much at all. I wonder if you could show him this article? You could print it out? My heart hurts for you, love. You are only wanting what for many is the bare minimum. I hope he can bring himself to meet your needs or that you can find fulfillment elsewhere (friends, hobbies, etc). Sometimes we need to make do in creative ways.

  • Big Schlong MGTOW

    So those are the only two reasons for the acrimony between the sexes, eh?
    So like, misandric family court, no-fault divorce-rape, paternity fraud, and false rape allegations have absolutely nothing to do with it, huh?
    WTF insular, entitled world are you living in?

  • rebecca

    after 9 years in marriage with my hubby with 3 kids, my husband started going out with other ladies and showed me cold love,– on several occasions he threatened to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called DR. Okojie who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contacted him, he helped me cast a love spell on my husband and within 24hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with ladies and he is with me for good and for real. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem and all kinds of problem you find difficult to resolve and he will put a lasting solution to it. You can also contact him if you are unable to bear children. Here is his email drosumahtemple@gmailcom

  • rebecca

    after 9 years in marriage with my hubby with 3 kids, my husband started going out with other ladies and showed me cold love,– on several occasions he threatened to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies,,, I was totally devastated and confused until an old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called DR. Okojie who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contacted him, he helped me cast a love spell on my husband and within 24hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with ladies and he is with me for good and for real. Contact this great spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem and all kinds of problem you find difficult to resolve and he will put a lasting solution to it. You can also contact him if you are unable to bear children. Here is his email drosumahtemple@gmailcom

  • R.J. Moore II

    Mostly I just find women annoying. Stuff guys find ‘cute’ I find tedious, and I refuse to have conversations with people that have no point. Women talk just to fill up the air, it’s horrifying. Sex is not worth dealing with attention whores and drama queens.

  • John

    Women are utterly narcissistic creatures so of course they love attention, but if they get it from a man without having to give anything in return, they lose all respect for him. This is what most men don’t understand. Male attention and validation are extremely valuable commodities that should never be given away for free. Just as a man wouldn’t walk down the street handing out his hard earned money to women, so he should never give away his attention and validation to women without receiving something in return. Women need and want to EARN a man’s attention anyway. That is the only way they will ever truly respect and desire a man. Men who give their attention away for free are the equivalent of sluts who give away sex for free: men will always be happy to take it but will never respect such women, let alone consider them as long term partners.

    Men should never give women a damn thing. Stop buying them drinks. Stop paying then compliments. Stop helping them with anything. Don’t acknowledge them at all. Every time you do you’re just lowering your social value in her eyes and showing her that she is above you and therefore deserves to exploit you and treat you like an inferior. The golden rule is this: women want men who they perceive as being BETTER than them. Never chase women. Always let them come to you. Women will never admit this but it is the brutal truth and always has been.

    Women DO NOT want to be EQUAL to their men. They want him to be their superior. This is what really gets women wet. They are hardwired to mate with the dominant alpha males of the tribe, those men with the most social status and resources to ensure the offspring from such a union have the best possible genes, i.e. the strongest, healthiest, and best provided for. Anyone who thinks this is bullshit needs to open their eyes and look around at the world we live in. Male doctors and lawyers and senators marry their secretaries and female nurses all the time. It NEVER happens the other way. A female doctor wouldn’t even consider marrying a male orderly. Why? Because he is beneath her in status and wealth and therefore invisible to her and utterly unattractive as a socially recognised partner.

    Female nurses marry male doctors because those men are unquestionably above them. Better educated, earn a lot more money, have higher social status and more assets. This is what women desire most in a man. Because when he gets the attention, recognition and prestige that his occupation and social value warrants, she gets it by association and it makes her feel not just good but BETTER than other women who don’t have high status husbands. This is what women reallly want: to feel superior to other women via the wealth and social standing of their husbands.

  • John Doe

    At least most of the real good old fashioned ladies in the past were the best compared to what is out there today.

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