blog,  Women

How To Stay Soft Through Hard Times


One of your most alluring and valuable traits is your softness.  You may not always appreciate these traits in yourself and they may not always serve you, but they are beautiful and should be cherished and protected.  We need more softness in this world and women are the bearers of the softest joys.

The way you can see both sides of an issue. They way you root for the underdog. The way you concede to end conflicts. The way your heart aches for the needy and less fortunate.  The way you desire to heal and care for others.  Yes, even the way you cry when you feel so much it spills out your eyes.  Don’t you know how beautiful your soft heart, your soft curves, your soft emotions are?

The world, and men in particular, need your softness.  The world is hard and full of sharp edges.  Men are our warriors, our barriers, our protectors.  And men need something soft to curl up to and hold. Our softness gives him strength and purpose.  Our softness teaches him love and forgiveness.

Have you seen a man who has gone too long without the love of a woman? His opinions become grossly exaggerated, his words are sharp and harsh, his eyes are mean and he loses track of beauty. He can no longer appreciate art, he argues with music! He scoffs at silliness.  He is no fun. He is awful.  Once men go too far away it is very hard to bring him back. Instead of attaching himself to the softness of a loving woman, he becomes attached to anger and self-righteousness. He identifies with disgust.

When we are loved by a man, he protects our softness. He does the rough and tumble things for us so we don’t have to harden ourselves.  A good man will do his best to protect us from violence, attack, grueling labor and unnecessary suffering. It is his honor and privilege to do this for us. And his reward is our softness, the way we love and care for him.  He can smell our sweet skin, kiss our tender necks, lose himself in our curves and release his worries and pain in our sex. Then he will sleep with our soft body tucked under his arm and become restored to go back into the world to fight the good fight.  Without us, he has no tender healing. Without our softness, he has nothing to fall into for comfort.  And without his protection, we lose our softness.  We have to protect ourselves, we have to defend ourselves, we become the protectors and we become edgy.

There is so much celebration for baddass, tough chicks who do what they want and don’t give any fucks and take no prisoners and need no one and nothing and that’s all fine and good if you want to have an independent spirit but if you take it too far you lose your softness, you deny your amazing femininity and you starve the world and men of your womanly gifts.

Trust me, there is no weakness in being vulnerable and soft.  There is nothing stronger than truly feeling empathy for another person’s pain.  There is nothing more courageous that forgiving others of their offenses.  There is nothing more badass than being a healer. And there is nothing more needed in this world than a soft place for the fighters to rest and feel restored.

But in a world where many women are raising children alone, do not have a lover or a partner who has her back, are taking on multiple roles of mother, employee, caretaker for ailing parents, defender of human rights, advocates for the needy it is very hard to maintain our softness.  We go into the world like fighters and brace ourselves for the harsh edges, the cruel words, the violence and suffering in every direction and it’s easy for us to want to close up our hearts, get a stiff upper lip, bear up our shoulders and lean into the fight like everyone else.  Who wants to be tossed around in the changing winds?

So how do you keep your softness?

1. Let others do the fighting for you

But many of the fights aren’t like the winds, they are like the rolling waves and leaning in will throw you into the sand and beat you down until you are breathless.  Many of these battles, like a huge wave, require you to give in and let it carry you until it passes.  Fighting every battle is exhausting and will burn you out before you get to the important ones.  Let other people take the lead. Let other fighters put in their time.

2. Stop Competing and Start Cheering

When you see others doing something well, don’t jump in to try to do it better.  Cheer them on! Encourage them to go farther and improve.  Be their cheerleader to give them the encouragement they need to push to the next step.  It’s hard to do things alone. It’s hard to self-motivate.  Get excited for everyone’s success, not just your own.

3. Have the Courage for Unreasonable Forgiveness

The people in your life are going to screw up.  You are going to screw up.  There is nothing more courageous and strong and hopeful and soft than forgiving them and giving them and staying soft to them.  There’s a chance they will hurt you or let you down again.  And when you are already wounded, the next infliction is even more painful.  But we have a throw away society.  We keep replacing each other.  There is nothing more healing and loving and soft than letting your wounds bleed and accepting pain as part of life and continuing to love someone as they grow.

4. Let other’s Be Right

Let others be right and admit when you are wrong.  And let other’s be right when you are also right.  We don’t always have to see the world in the same ways.  We can coexist without agreeing on everything.

5. Admit Your Weaknesses

No one said that to be awesome you have to be awesome at everything.  There are things you won’t be great at.  There are things that aren’t worth your time to work on.  Admit when you are weak and let others be your soft place, your cheerleader, your supporter.

6. Let Others Help You

Stop running yourself thin by trying to do everything.  Just because you can’t “do it all” doesn’t make you a failure. Ask for help.  And accept offers of help by others. Other people actually enjoy helping and giving their time and talents. Men also love to help. Often the only thing holding people back from helping is a fear of interfering and confusion about what to do. If you ask for help with something specific you remove both of those obstacles and you create an opportunity for an exchange of emotional gifts.  It feels great to give! And it also feels great to accomplish something.  So, put your ego aside, admit you need help and ask for help.  When you don’t even ask, you increase your own stress and you rob others of the joy and satisfaction of doing something kind for someone he cares about.

7. Let Your Emotions Guide You

Female emotions have somehow become a negative thing but they are far from it.  They stem from our sensitivity to the world, to other people, to situations.  They are deeply connected to our intuition.  If we disrespect our emotional selves we become detached from our sixth sense and lose part of our gifts.  We become too logical and we miss the subtleties that sometimes are more revealing than what meets the eye.  Let your emotions guide and inform you. Feel your way through decisions as much as you think your way through them.  Trust your gut.  Female intuition is a magical, amazing thing.  It is wise beyond logic.  Embrace it.

When you stay soft you are a healer for the world and you also leave an opening for a man to be in your life and feel needed.  He wants to be needed by you because he knows, on a deep level that he needs you back.  And what he needs most from you is your softness and love.

What other ways do you stay soft?


Kitten Holiday


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