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Talk Like a Man

Dear Men,

I’ve got a beef with you.  Listen to me.  You need to talk like a man. Don’t soften your voice or make it higher.  Don’t change your tone for me.  I am not a child or a dog, I am a woman.  I’ve met men who “sweet talk” but their sweet talk is more like “baby talk.” They are “cute.” It makes me sick. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Speak with conviction. Speak from the heart. Use your grown up voice. Look me in the eye. Don’t be cute. I will puke on your cute.

If a man is baby talking me and being cute and sweet, he is making me feel sorry for him or making me feel maternal. It suggests to me that he feels the need to coerce me into sex or giving him attention. It suggest that he expresses his strength, by making me smaller and weaker. He treats me like a child so that I am not threatening to him. He diminishes me to ennoble himself. Talk about a turn off! Poor little baby. I feel infantilized or as if I need to mother him. And at that moment, any sexual tension that existed has vanished and will never return.

Do not try to seduce me by tapping into my maternal instincts. That stems from an incorrect belief system that a man needs a woman to feel sorry for him to give him sex. That he needs to “trick her” or do “favors for her” to get what he wants. It is his subconscious desire to make her feel obligated to have sex because he himself does not feel deserving of her sexual energy.  Society supports this by all the songs and jokes about “getting lucky” or “treating her to something” or “doing work” in the hopes she will “reward” him with sex. This suggests that

A. sex is a commodity to be bartered and

B. she doesn’t want sex for herself but she will use it in exchange for something else.

Well that doesn’t feel good! That is NOT going to make her feel sexy! That’s going to make her feel like her body is a commodity and it’s going to make her lose respect for you. If you act as if you are not desirable and your sexual energy and attention isn’t enough of a reason for her to want to have sex in her own right, then she will respond in exactly that way. Sex will become an arrangement, something she gives to you and you beg for. That is not sexy. That is not fun. And that is NOT going to help your relationship grow. That’s going tear you apart.

Obligated sex breeds resentment.

Charity sex obliterates respect.

A woman has sex with a man because she is aroused and wants to have sex with him! End of story! And she is aroused when she feels special to him, desired by him and when she feels sexy and feminine– powerfully feminine!  If you see her femininity as powerful, she will feel it.  If you see it as a weakness, she will feel that too.   She is turned on by your masculinity, your presence, your desire for her. Your flirtations and touch stimulate her imagination and her body.  If she feels she is special to you, and if you express your own desire for her sexually, and she is attracted to you, then she will become aroused and she will want to have sex with you.

Women are sexual and will want to have sex if they are aroused. Further, women are smart and do not need to be tricked or convinced into doing something they ALREADY want to do. When you act as if she doesn’t want sex, she also feels misunderstood. If you behave as if she’s going to be having sex for you as a reward or pity, then the sex is all about you taking and her giving. That is not a turn on. That’s a big fat turn off. It she feels as if you want to have sex with her because she excites you mentally, emotionally and physically and you can barely stand to be in the same room with her for one more minute without ripping her clothes off, she’s going to be extremely turned on.

The more masculine you allow yourself to be, the more feminine she can be when she is intimate with you. Baby talk, bartering, earning the favor of sex is a turn off. Talk like a man, act like a man, and let her know you want her because she is sexy and womanly and she excites you, not just because she’s there or she owes you.

You’re welcome,


Disclaimer:  For all the idiots out there who are going to comment about how this doesn’t work because she will slap you or send you to jail because ripping a woman’s clothes off is illegal, my target audience is men who are dating or in a relationship with a woman, not the creep standing next to her in the check out line. My target audience is not you. Here is a blog that might be better suited to your dating needs.   I can’t believe I have to explain these things.


  • Dave Mercer

    That’s just… Odd. It would never occur to me to do that. I figure either someone accepts me as I am – attitude, voice, whatever – or whatever’s happening is dishonest and I’d rather not be part of it.

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