In the April 22, 2016 edition of the Federalist, writer Henry Scanlon writes about his observations that conservative women are more beautiful, stylish and poised than their liberal counterparts. He’s careful to qualify his statements with credentials like “I spent years in the photography business, which causes me to reflexively notice what things look like” to assure us this is just a harmless but accurate observation based on experience and personal curiosity and he is in no way objectifying or male gazing at these women. He has to qualify his essay in this way, of course, because if a leftist reads his article and takes it personally he could be publicly shamed or lose his job and reputation, put his family at risk for expressing his unacceptable observations in an unacceptable way.
But if he assures us his observations are harmless and will have no impact, he might — if he’s lucky — be spared.
In his article, Why Conservative Women Are So Pretty, Henry Scanlon concludes not that the physical standards of beauty are more common in conservative circles (that would get him up shit creek!) but that the aura of beauty is more prevalent. He focuses not on weight, hip to waist ratio, symmetry or bone structure as a definition of beauty but on the confidence, lightness, stylishness and joie de vivre the conservative women exude. Traits, unlike hourglass figures, that are equally available to all, one would think.
They all look like the girl the high school quarterback wants to date, and they are confident, relaxed, and smart, joking amongst themselves.
“(Conservative women) walk with a bounce in their step and a light in their eyes, and maybe that is the engine of their attractiveness, the source of their ability to light up the room.”
He consults with his wife who is the politically correct gender to comment on what makes a woman beautiful.
“It’s because they enjoy being a woman. And they’re glad they’re not men,” she says.
In the end, he attributes this lightness of spirit that he finds so attractive in conservative women to their lack of mental gymnastics. The stress of having to deny science and biology, of having to defend the indefensible and having to twist ideas into pretzels to align with liberal ideology must manifest in liberal women as intense stress and anxiety. We all know that stress and anxiety age us prematurely. Cortisol leads to retaining fat and poor sleep. The twisted leftist thoughts are possibly twisting the bodies and faces, twisting their very spirits like the cruel Gargamel in the Smurfs, the wicked witch of the west, or the Queen Grimhilde in Snow White.
“Even more, women of the Right are allowed to accept obvious things rather than engage in exhausting psychic gymnastics to get to a place that is politically correct, while preposterous. If a thug murders a pregnant woman, he should be charged with two murders, not just one, and women of the Right feel no compulsion to weary themselves by filing amicus briefs on behalf of the murderer to nullify the second killing because the unborn baby does not qualify as human life.”
But this is no explanation for the apparent lack of style, charm and confidence he sees in conservative men who appear bedraggled, worn out, anxious and indifferent to style and appearance.
“This becomes even more glaring when juxtaposed with the young guys, who all seem to be trying out for the part of the overtaxed congressional aide in this season of “Veep”: wrinkled dark suits with scuffed brown shoes, power-walking this way and that, their noses buried in their smartphones, and that’s not even to mention an alarming incidence of pillow head (not a lot, but, let’s be honest, no pillow head is the goal).”
In the beginning of the article, he supposes that perhaps social pressure affects men and women differently. He surmises that “A young guy who “identifies” as a conservative might just as well identify as an “absolute zero” as far as the cool kids are concerned (and maybe a lot of the teachers, too.)” Therefore, if they are already invisible, or at least they have already given up on any hopes of being a social winner, elite or successful was already abandoned when they joined the conservative party.
“Young guys who are politically active on the right side of the fence have a lot to lose, most especially any possibility of being regarded as a member of the social elite, and it may be that quite a few of them — not all, by any means, but yes, a great many — who find their way to a conservative worldview at an early age do so because they aren’t distracted or seduced by the possibility of being homecoming king. They aren’t giving up the possibility of being the host of the weekend kegger, because that wasn’t going to happen, anyway.”
But this doesn’t explain the look of utter exhaustion and defeat. If the men are “Liberated from the siren song of peer popularity,” then why do they look so bedraggled? Having already accepted their dismissed status, wouldn’t they then respond with Hawaiian shirts and flamboyant hats and bright dontgiveafuck colors? If they have nothing to lose, they can go buck wild and truly be themselves, right?
The problem is not that these men lose everything when they join the conservative party, it is that they take on the burdens of the world when they join the conservative party. They see the world for what it is and worry about their future. In addition, they know they have made themselves a target for all the hatred, outrage and potential violence that the left feels entitled to send their way for their conservative values and beliefs. If they are openly conservative (0r worse — openly Trumplican) they have put their neck on the line, and it goes on the line all day, every day.
While conservative women have freed themselves from the frantic mental gymnastics of the left, conservative men must still engage in the exhausting exercises as they are forced to constantly defend themselves, their opinions and their mere existence against threats from the antagonizing, confrontational left. Just by being a man, they are presumed violent criminals in waiting. By being white, they are presumed racist nazis. Being a minority they are presumed traitors. By being heterosexual they are rapists looking for prey. They can’t simply opt out of society or hide away in safe spaces if they want to contribute to the world, make something of themselves, or simply live life!
It must be exhausting to feel constantly under attack. Like the head down, shuffling abused spouse trying his or her best not to rock the boat, these men are walking on eggshells in a culture that acts as if they are despised (but won’t admit to it.)
The burden these men have willingly accepted because they want to do what is right, defend their country and stand up for conservative values likely exhausts them and leaves little time to fuss over style and appearance. But certainly, there is a dapper fellow beneath those disheveled clothes and exhausted bed heads. I am confident when the culture war is won and these brave conservatives can turn their attention away from constantly anticipating the next attack, they will turn their attention toward their beautiful conservative women and will share the light spirit, playful demeanor and unflappable confidence.
Until then, show them some appreciation and kiss a conservative today. And tomorrow. Or, if that would get you in trouble, send him my way and I’ll kiss him for you! You know I love trouble and men!