This is quite possibly the most important essay on femininity I will ever write. If you do the things I ask you to do in this post, it will begin to change your life, for the better, immediately. You probably won’t want to do these things. Not because they are hard or complicated, but because you will feel foolish. But I can assure you, the truly foolish will let your ego and pride get in the way of performing these exercises and following the direction of what I ask of you in this post. The wise will participate. It’s your life. Are you an observer? No. Then read every word of this post, watch the video and do the exercises. You’re welcome.
Your body. Your feminine body. Why have you rejected it? Why are you uncomfortable in it? For all the body acceptance campaigns I see, to me they look like body rejection campaigns. We are not accepting our bodies when we normalize being unhealthy. We are not accepting our bodies when we insist that it be made square to hide our natural curves or when we parade topless for a protest! We are not accepting our bodies when we emulate the mannerisms of men to compete with them. We are rejecting our bodies when we do not invest in our health. We are rejecting our bodies when we do not enjoy how we are made and use our gifts to express ourselves, engage with others and achieve our goals.
Your body is amazing. You should taking care of it.
Men, in general, seem more in touch with their physical selves. If they strength train or participate in sports they often find satisfaction in pushing their bodies to the limits, testing what they are capable of. As men, their bodies are physically stronger and larger than most women. They use their bodies to protect, to fight and to build.
What about the female body? Our bodies comfort, create and inspire.
From our soft breasts and smooth skin to our heavenly honey pots, our bodies give comfort in many ways. To nursing babies, crying children, the sick, the hurt, the broken we provide comfort in the way we can hold, speak softly, reassure and simply share time and space with someone in need of comfort. Sexually we give more to men than orgasms with our intimacy. If an orgasm were all he wanted he could provide that for himself with his hand but the acceptance we give when we give him our body, the love we show when we give him space to let go and the comfort we give in providing a release to his tensions and frustrations when he escapes into physical bliss is something he can only find through us. If there were another way to achieve this, I believe men would have given us up long ago as we are usually a total thorn in their sides! But they are compelled by a carnal, lustful, animal need to find release and comfort in intimacy with a woman.
(Obviously talking about heterosexuals here. I do not know anything about homosexual relationships so I really can’t speak to that. Sorry! There are other great writers who can write about that.)
Our bodies create as we are mothers who carry the baby and new life.
And our bodies inspire. Our beauty inspires. If it were not for the comfort we provide and for man’s great desire to attract us to be with us physically, spiritually, sexually and emotionally, most of the super badass things in this world would never have happened. Men would be playing video games and never changing their underwear instead of flying to the moon.
95% of all the greatest achievements in history have been achieved to impress a girl. The other 5% have been achieved to settle a bet with a man. I made this up. I don’t care about statistics or quantifiable facts. This is my blog and I believe this to be true. Here’s a famous quote to back me up.
“Kitten Holiday is right. She’s the best! Listen to her.” Donald Trump
Here is another one for fun:
” There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.” Jerry Seinfeld
And one more that triggers some of my audience:
“Man’s greatest motivating force is his desire to please women.” – Napoleon Hill.
I’d edit Napoleon Hill to say I think he means man’s greatest motivating force is to impress and capture the attention of women so he can receive her comforts. But that would be totally offensive and just like me to femsplain a famous man’s words.
The fastest way to get in touch with your femininity is through dance and movement
Dance for women is like contact sports for men. Men learn the limits and the power of their bodies through sports and physical labor. Most men say they need to use that energy somehow to feel grounded and to feel masculine. For women, dance is how we get in touch with our bodies.
From a young age, girls love to dance and spin and twirl. We love to wear swirly skirts and get dizzy. We love to be caught up in the music. Dancing as an expression comes naturally to women and girls.
(Yes, women can enjoy sports and men can enjoy dancing too. Stay with me and stop being a pain in the ass, troll)
Dancing is a feminine expression. It incorporates grace, beauty, sensuality and charm. If you want to get back in touch with your feminine body, then find ways to move your body in a feminine way. Roll your hips, jiggle your breasts, flirt with your eyes, elongate your neck. Your body is the vehicle for your entire being! It is your heart, soul, mind, spirit, energy and should be treated with great care and used to its full potential!
As Kaouthar Darmoni states in the video;
Dance is “the oldest feminine ritual in the world stepping back to Mesopotamia, four thousand years ago. when society was matriarchal and women were ruling and they would dance.”
When you start moving your body in more sensual ways you will start feeling more feminine. You will attract a sort of attention that is not cheap or simple the way a cleavage shot picture will get you, it will attract a respect for your female nature because you will be expressing yourself fully as a woman. If anyone wants to suggest the feminine expression is weak or powerless, I dare them to express themselves physically with their hips and shoulders and breasts allowed to move freely and see how other people, men and women respond.
Be bold in your movements, let your energy flow through your hips and chest. Let your body roll through the day the way you would roll a candy ball around your mouth with your tongue. That is the feminine movement of the body.
It will feel so weird at first! You will feel like a caricature of a girl. The way young girls imitate supermodels flinging their hips from side to side. But we do that, in play, because it feels so good. It feels so right. It releases our closed up physical energy. You feel good when you do this, why did you stop? Why are you not moving in ways that make you feel great? Why would you stop doing the things that make you feel alive?
A few years ago I watched this video by Kaouthar Darmoni called “Dare To Be Feminine For Guts Sake.” I am asking you to watch it. I am daring you to do the movements. Men and women. Do it. Are you too good to learn? Are you so important you can’t feel a little ridiculous for a minute? What if the result of 5 minutes of feeling foolish is to spend the rest of your life more fully connected with your body? Exactly. Do it.
When you watch the video, first I want you to observe her hips and how she moves her hips as she expresses herself. She is not being “slutty” or objectifying herself. She is simply in tune with her feminine power and using her body to express herself. She is connected to her body. She looks whole and healthy and happy and beautiful. Her feminine power is emanating through her.
Why do we women hold ourselves like men anymore? Why do we square our shoulders, tense our jaws, walk in a solid straight line like the only thing that matters is getting from A to B? Because we do not value our femininity. We do not nurture our sensuality. We do not take advantage of what is God-given in our hearts, minds, spirit and body and use it with our every breath to life fully. We are wasting our gifts and our power trying to imitate men and valuing masculinity over femininity.
Next, I want you to actually DO the exercises with her. You will feel so silly. Get over yourself.
You may need to watch it again and again like I did. When you watch, watch how uncomfortable people are in the audience. Look how stiff they are with their bodies. They do not move naturally or gracefully. They are afraid to let their breasts bounce. Their shoulders are closed and sloping inward. They are so self-conscious!
At minute 16:12 she shows with her body how your self-confidence is expressed through your movements. You can see the difference. Posture is important. Movement is important. If you asked the most empowered women in the audience before this lecture, ” Do you love your body” or “Are you afraid of your body” they would have said yes and then if you watched them trying to MOVE this body that they love and do not fear, it would be exposed as a lie.
“Women are so afraid to show their sensuality because you do not want to be seen as a lust object. You are not, you are just expanding with your hips.” Kaouthar Darmoni
We want to be seen as powerful. We want to FEEL powerful and yet we deny and reject our most powerful tool: our feminine bodies.
(Most of my readers will want to stop watching at minute 17 when she starts to get political. Skip ahead to 18:15)
Last step. This is for the ladies. Watch this again. Do the exercises again. Do them daily if you need to. Do it until your movements resemble Kaouthar Darmoni’s movements more than the stiff stick figure people in the audience. And don’t stop there! When you go about your day, roll your way through the day. Roll your hips, roll your shoulders. Shake your body, let your breasts shake. When you are alone exaggerate these movements. I promise you even your most exaggerated hip sway walk will feel like awkward baby steps after a few weeks when you get more in touch with the feminine expression of your body.
Don’t stop there! When you are out, sway your hips. What are you afraid of? Select clothing to accentuate your curves. Move your body with your entire being invested in every movement! It is incredibly powerful. It is equivalent in power and influence to a man’s violent expression of his physicality. And just like his muscles and size can be used to harm or to protect, your sensuous feminine expression can be used for good or evil. Use it carefully. But use it. Stop denying yourself, stop living small by being out of touch and afraid of your beautiful feminine body!