She did it

She did it. She left. After all those weeks and months crying secretly in the middle of the night or pouring out her doubts to friends, or cycling through her options in her mind as if in a panic, when she did it she had no emotion. She was cold.

He, in stark contrast, almost as if to draw attention to her indifference, flew into a panicked rage.

He never saw it coming. He has no idea. He was blindsided. That’s what he told her anyway, as he jumped from emotion to emotion like a pinball after a fierce smack.

It was hard for her to believe him, to believe his reaction was authentic and not a display to bait her emotions, to guilt her into staying. It was hard to believe him because she’d carefully turned him, in her mind, into her enemy.

She’d spent weeks and months, not only crying, but also rewriting every memory, every conversation, every kiss, into a battle for control between them. And she would not lose. She would sacrifice everything, including him and their future, but she would not, could not lose.

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5 thoughts on “She did it”

  • When I played the role of a seducer – positive mindset, no hate etc., no madonna/whore complex, but clearly a lover type – escalating, love bubble etc. I noticed mentally stable girls look for some evidence they mean something more to me – if there’s love, even if it’s temporary, and even then, if they have a boyfriend, they won’t often have sex with me, just enjoy the experience in a bar with some intimacy and never meet me again. Or I slip into the listener role and I’m not threatening enough, so they happily continue to meet me for a chat – taking value. of course I am pissed later, but it’s my fault that they lose respect and I don’t have the take it/leave it attitude.

    But those “crazy” girls, that don’t really believe men could love them…when I was a pure cocky seducer, all appeared ok, it went smooth, they invited me over etc. Enjoyed my dominance. But when I displayed some boundaries regarding their character, or evidence they already mean more to me than just a fling and I want to hold them to some standards – like not heavily flirting with other men when I’m around – it went wrong.
    It’s almost like these girls accept only either pushover servant boyfriends – that they cheat on monthly with alpha – or the alpha for irregular sex. So they don’t need to believe in love, and the story in her mind is: chump is dating me because he’s desperate for sex, and alpha is fucking me because all he wants is sex, and there is some latent hate for both, or for all men, and in her mind, all men exist to have sex and cheat on their women. So they all are replacable, which makes all other types of men sick, so her experience of types of men matches her reality.
    Would you agree or am I just affected by the effect these women have on my stomach?:-)

    • I agree. Have you seen this post?

      http://kittenholiday.com/the-secrets-of-a-mans-heart/

      It’s long and talks about other things too but I thought about it specifically because of your comment about “girls that don’t really believe men could love them.”

      We have such a toxic environment toward men and one of the worst parts of this is believing men only want sex and aren’t capable of love. Men are very capable of love. If a woman only expects a man to treat her poorly or use her, that is often all she will find. And even if she finds a good man, her attitude will likely confuse and hurt him enough that he will put up walls, emotionally detach and “prove her right.”

      I was just texting with a friend who was going through a break up with a very strong, independent woman who has been single for the majority of her adult life. She’s very attached to her feminist ideaology, proud of her oppressed single mother status. She clearly sees needing someone, especially a man, as a weakness and this caused many problems and a lot of heartache for him in their relationship. She reacted to every kind gesture of his as if he were trying to trick her into something, or take advantage of her, or make her owe him. He just happens to be a generous, thoughtful guy. He treats everyone this way, but obviously as his attention was directed toward her, she saw more of it.

      Anyway, when they finally broke up I explained to him that she couldn’t commit to him in a relationship because to her that means defeat. Commit=concede in her mind which is equal to weakness which is equal to failure! What a horrible way to live! But it is very common.

      I reminded him how they met: a tinder date where he wined and dined her and treated her like a queen, then a 4 day long sexcapade. She was wild in bed, open, submissive, dominant, experimental. They quickly “fell in love” passionately. But when it came to taking the relationship to a new level, which he wanted, she went cold. She started to pick at him, accusing. She was simply unable to rectify her “identity” with her feelings. And she would not “give in to him” as if the relationship would benefit only him.

      The sex was a fling. It was a fantasy. She’s human and sex feels good, passion feels good, being loved feels good. She got to feel all those things with him, but when it came time for her to reciprocate she stalled then got angry, because that is not consistent with her beliefs.

      What a sad sad way to live, in my opinion! But it is very common. And their attitude that you describe:

      “chump is dating me because he’s desperate for sex, and alpha is fucking me because all he wants is sex, and there is some latent hate for both, or for all men, and in her mind, all men exist to have sex and cheat on their women. So they all are replacable, which makes all other types of men sick, so her experience of types of men matches her reality.”

      Thanks for your comment. The other post I linked to is long, but if you have a chance to read it, let me know what you think!

      Kitten

      • Yes I’ve read it, probably why I even used the expresssion. Excellent. I once didn’t sleep with a girl when she invited me over because she exhibited these huge red flags later during the night and it wasn’t even my goal to sleep with her super quickly in these circumstances, but she super easily invited me over without my involvment. Later it was too late to get home to another city, so I stayed at her place and left in the morning, confused from passion vs disrespect, and we see each other regularly at schcool…she texted normally later, like it was fun etc. I even rationalised she was just drunk and didn’t mean some things and I would give her another chance, but she was ingoring me completely for one week, even in conversations that involved other friends, and it was that kind of “trying hard to ignore him obviously”, rather hilarious. I could see her legs moving with trapped sexual energy etc, but she didn’t meet my eyes. I didn’t get it. Was she planning to cheat on her secret boyfriend with me and felt bad about it/threatened I’d connect the dots? That was probably true too, but rather she didn’t see her behaviour as wrong and took it as an insult on her beauty from me, or maybe a weakness, lack of decisiveness etc. Maybe she was scared that her ultimate leverage didn’t mean much. Who knows. We had some “dates” later when she was cautious and “nice”. Like a TV interview, kind of. Either a timewaster who wanted me around for the next round of crazy alpha, or simple attention felt good, or she wanted me for the other role, the slave.

    • I agree. Have you seen this post?

      http://kittenholiday.com/the-secrets-of-a-mans-heart/

      It’s long and talks about other things too but I thought about it specifically because of your comment about “girls that don’t really believe men could love them.”

      We have such a toxic environment toward men and one of the worst parts of this is believing men only want sex and aren’t capable of love. Men are very capable of love. If a woman only expects a man to treat her poorly or use her, that is often all she will find. And even if she finds a good man, her attitude will likely confuse and hurt him enough that he will put up walls, emotionally detach and “prove her right.”

      I was just texting with a friend who was going through a break up with a very strong, independent woman who has been single for the majority of her adult life. She’s very attached to her feminist ideaology, proud of her oppressed single mother status. She clearly sees needing someone, especially a man, as a weakness and this caused many problems and a lot of heartache for him in their relationship. She reacted to every kind gesture of his as if he were trying to trick her into something, or take advantage of her, or make her owe him. He just happens to be a generous, thoughtful guy. He treats everyone this way, but obviously as his attention was directed toward her, she saw more of it.

      Anyway, when they finally broke up I explained to him that she couldn’t commit to him in a relationship because to her that means defeat. Commit=concede in her mind which is equal to weakness which is equal to failure! What a horrible way to live! But it is very common.

      I reminded him how they met: a tinder date where he wined and dined her and treated her like a queen, then a 4 day long sexcapade. She was wild in bed, open, submissive, dominant, experimental. They quickly “fell in love” passionately. But when it came to taking the relationship to a new level, which he wanted, she went cold. She started to pick at him, accusing. She was simply unable to rectify her “identity” with her feelings. And she would not “give in to him” as if the relationship would benefit only him.

      The sex was a fling. It was a fantasy. She’s human and sex feels good, passion feels good, being loved feels good. She got to feel all those things with him, but when it came time for her to reciprocate she stalled then got angry, because that is not consistent with her beliefs.

      What a sad sad way to live, in my opinion! But it is very common. And their attitude that you describe:

      “chump is dating me because he’s desperate for sex, and alpha is fucking me because all he wants is sex, and there is some latent hate for both, or for all men, and in her mind, all men exist to have sex and cheat on their women. So they all are replacable, which makes all other types of men sick, so her experience of types of men matches her reality.”

      Thanks for your comment. The other post I linked to is long, but if you have a chance to read it, let me know what you think!

      Kitten

  • read this & sent to my friend, I thank you for sharing this & hope all is well with life, love & laughter. I know as a human being, topics of this or any other nature, the solutions are found with the individual. If every human being has a past life & has been hurt, then how they are raised & the role models witnessed by them, leads to actions for or against common sense. Emotions & moods apply fully as actions & reactions fully depend on how they feel at that moment. In a good mood, there view is more positive & thus, their decisions are more rational, no? Look at yourself, in lights of both good & bad moods, then apply the same when intoxicated, in both moods & the actions or reactions. we are emotional beings & subject to factors of influence, emotions just one, history another, environment & seeing their role model accepting abuse or fighting for control. The variables are many, yet, in view & personal experience, you know that feelings do play a huge role…. thanks for this chance to voice on a topic that society & real people deal with on a daily bases… peace

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