The Real Reason I’m Single

Dear Diary,

I can’t stand that question, “Why are you single?” We are so often asked tedious, intrusive questions, especially around the holidays when we are surrounded by family who feel entitled to know intimate details of our lives because they’ve known us since we were in diapers. Our lives still seem to hold an innocent and charming appeal. Asking about a grown woman’s private life, one seems to imagine, could result in some sympathetic sighs, perhaps, an adorable anecdote or two, and then an encouraging pinch on the cheek to send us on our way for another year.

I’m tired of it. And I have a rule in my dating life, don’t ask questions unless you are prepared for the answer — I’m going to be honest. Most of the time, when dating, we already know the answer and we are simply asking so we can be upset, fight, feel reassured. We are so rarely, truly surprised by our intimate partners. We pick up on so much more than we want to admit to ourselves.

It’s sort of a self-important remark, too, when asked by someone who has been paired up long enough to be miserable. “You are so beautiful, how can you be single?” As if to also say, “Looks aren’t everything, Bitch! Bet you’re a total nutjob. I’ve heard about your kind!”

But I’m expected to give the standard response, “Oh, I’m just picky,” or “I work too much.” No one is really asking. No one really wants to become acquainted with each other. Superficial questions come from superficial people.

So, I decided, if you aren’t ready for the answer, don’t ask the question. Because my new response is, “I don’t do anal.”

Poor Aunt Louise. Bet she won’t ask me again next year.


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5 thoughts on “The Real Reason I’m Single

  1. I get that from my mother.
    “Are you dating anyone?”
    “Oh! Why not?”
    “I’m out of chloroform.”

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